I'm hopeless.
I'm pessimistic.
I'm mediocre.
I'm ugly.
I'm fat.
Done.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Old friends and old times.
Deli is over. :D
First time we've hung out in FOREVER.
I didn't realize before how much I actually missed her.
But everything we've done since we've been together has involved smokes, food, or the Internet.
It sucks, today I was going to fast from noon until tomorrow, but it didn't quite work.
Probably definitely over my calorie limit. :/
And I'm about to go make us dinner -and show her my new favorite vegetarian meal.
(It's only 155 calories, or something like that, but I don't know if I'll tell her that.)
I'll probably have to, because she'll ask why I'm not using a bun or bread. :P
Too many extra calories in those. Yech.
But what's really bugging me about today is that I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY how many CALORIES I've had.
SO, yeah;
Calories- No idea, probably near or over 1,000. Hullo binge day.
Exercise- Nope, I'm too damn tired. I'll deal with it later.
Chewed&spit- I wish.
Weight- 160.5 I'm so fat, fucking huge;
I want to sleep forever.
Edited...
Laterzzzzz.
First time we've hung out in FOREVER.
I didn't realize before how much I actually missed her.
But everything we've done since we've been together has involved smokes, food, or the Internet.
It sucks, today I was going to fast from noon until tomorrow, but it didn't quite work.
Probably definitely over my calorie limit. :/
And I'm about to go make us dinner -and show her my new favorite vegetarian meal.
(It's only 155 calories, or something like that, but I don't know if I'll tell her that.)
I'll probably have to, because she'll ask why I'm not using a bun or bread. :P
Too many extra calories in those. Yech.
But what's really bugging me about today is that I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY how many CALORIES I've had.
SO, yeah;
Calories- No idea, probably near or over 1,000. Hullo binge day.
Exercise- Nope, I'm too damn tired. I'll deal with it later.
Chewed&spit- I wish.
Weight- 160.5 I'm so fat, fucking huge;
I want to sleep forever.
Edited...
Laterzzzzz.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Razors and zits.
Zits are like the fucking plague, I hate them so much.
I had what I thought was a zit on my chest -nasty, right?- but it was being such a pain in my ass that I got one of my old razors and cut it open.
It bled, and it was damn annoying.
It still sort of hurts.
I did the same thing to two on my face, it worked on one but I ended up just giving myself a scratch on my nose.
Yeah, that one bled, too.
I hate breaking out, I hate being a teenager.
Just one can drive me fucking crazy;
My face has to be 100% clear 100% of the time. Period.
Anyways;
Calories- 320, about.
Exercise- done.
Chewed&Spit- mhm.
Weight- 158.5.
FML.
Laterzzzzz.
I had what I thought was a zit on my chest -nasty, right?- but it was being such a pain in my ass that I got one of my old razors and cut it open.
It bled, and it was damn annoying.
It still sort of hurts.
I did the same thing to two on my face, it worked on one but I ended up just giving myself a scratch on my nose.
Yeah, that one bled, too.
I hate breaking out, I hate being a teenager.
Just one can drive me fucking crazy;
My face has to be 100% clear 100% of the time. Period.
Anyways;
Calories- 320, about.
Exercise- done.
Chewed&Spit- mhm.
Weight- 158.5.
FML.
Laterzzzzz.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Pruney toes and cold water.
I took a bath today.
Yeah, fucking seriously; a bath.
Sounds dumb, but it was sort of okay.
I read, and was actually able to focus on what I was seeing.
I'm so close to being done with Madame Bovary, and then I'm hoping that Jean and I can find a book together, so I don't have to do this alone again.
Uhm, I went over my limit again today, probably be a few hundred, but I don't think I got to 1,000.
And I feel like shit because I can't do sit-ups anymore, I got fucking rug burn yesterday.
Not joking, it's on my lower back, and it hurts.
I tried to do it anyways, but I couldn't get past, like, seventeen or something.
So I tried doing these other things, but I don't knowwww. :/
It sucks.
I'm doing more push ups and finishing my leg lifts, then I've got this need to weigh myself.
Just to see how much damage there's probably been.
I wouldn't be surprised if I woke up at 160 or higher tomorrow.
I'm in a negative mood, if you can't tell.
@Thinlypure;
Oh damn, that's not good. xD
I share my locker with two other people, so if I forget one of them can open it.
Thanks, I know if I actually follow it I'll make progress, but I've got cravings this week.
Imthink it's school. :P
No, I haven't read the books, and now I want to! :3
Ugh, I need to blow dry my hair, or it'll be shit in the morning.
Blah.
Laterzzzzz.
Yeah, fucking seriously; a bath.
Sounds dumb, but it was sort of okay.
I read, and was actually able to focus on what I was seeing.
I'm so close to being done with Madame Bovary, and then I'm hoping that Jean and I can find a book together, so I don't have to do this alone again.
Uhm, I went over my limit again today, probably be a few hundred, but I don't think I got to 1,000.
And I feel like shit because I can't do sit-ups anymore, I got fucking rug burn yesterday.
Not joking, it's on my lower back, and it hurts.
I tried to do it anyways, but I couldn't get past, like, seventeen or something.
So I tried doing these other things, but I don't knowwww. :/
It sucks.
I'm doing more push ups and finishing my leg lifts, then I've got this need to weigh myself.
Just to see how much damage there's probably been.
I wouldn't be surprised if I woke up at 160 or higher tomorrow.
I'm in a negative mood, if you can't tell.
@Thinlypure;
Oh damn, that's not good. xD
I share my locker with two other people, so if I forget one of them can open it.
Thanks, I know if I actually follow it I'll make progress, but I've got cravings this week.
Imthink it's school. :P
No, I haven't read the books, and now I want to! :3
Ugh, I need to blow dry my hair, or it'll be shit in the morning.
Blah.
Laterzzzzz.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Planners and schedules.
School was boring, but went by sort of fast-ish.
Guess it's to be expected since it was a late start.
Late starts mess up the schedule;
1st hour, 2nd hour, 4th hour, C lunch, 5th hour, 3rd hour, and then 6th hour.
You'd think after years of doing this I'd be used to it;
Nope, I got fucking confused about whether or not I was going to English after 5th hour.
I have English 6th hour. :/
I felt dumb.
And I finally put together a sort of 'plan'.
I brought home the planner I used to use in school, and decided I'm going to start keeping track of stuff -like food and calories and all that shitty stuff.
I've decided I'll fast whenever I feel like it -at least once a week-, but I'm not going to push to go more than one day at a time.
If I'm not fasting, I'll try to stay under 500 calories.
Any day I go over 1,000 calories is considered a "binge"/"fail" day.
I don't really have any sort of 'punishment' type thing in mind for fail days, only that the next day will probably be a fast.
Sugar-free gum, Propel packets -the little ones you put in water bottles, there's other types I just usually prefer Propel-, and chewing&spitting does not count, but I'm only able to have up to two packets a day.
I will onlynot do my "exercise" on days that I fast, but on days that I chew&spit I have to do about, like, half.
I do sit-ups in a pattern of 1, then 2, then 3, etc etc; until I get up to ten, and then I start at ten and go down.
Same with push ups, only I just go up to 5 and then back down.
Let lifts are the same as sit ups.
And on "fail" days, I have to -Ahm- "pace"?
Basically just walking circles in my room, or jogging in place, for at least 5 minutes -pacing is actually more like half an hour, with high-knees for 20 minutes.
Jesus, this all sounds so damn complicated, but it's not;
I've already been doing it I guess, I've just never written it down.
And putting it here is just helping to solidify it to myself.
I like having plans, and I don't know how i got along for so long without one.
Ohright, I was doing a shitty job before.
Anyways;
Today isn't a binge yet, but I'm not sure if it's passed.
I think right now it has, but I've got a HUGE craving for frosting, and I think we have some...
I'm waiting for my mom and brother to leave for his basketball practice before I go look.
And if I'm lucky -or really unlucky I suppose-, I'll have a container of frosting to eat while watching Pretty Little Liars.
Then I'll do more exercise, and read two chapters of Madame Bovary, and then sleep.
@Thinlypure;
Ohmugod, I didn't even think about ants! xD
It was all cool though, but I did forget to toss it again. Hahaha. Fail. :)
Thank you! :D
Dunno if I'm actually out for real though, not after today. xD
Today feels like an experiment, to see if I should lower or possibly higher my set intake;
It'll probably end up needing to be lowered. Blah. :P
Anyways, hope your doing good, even though lame school's started again! < 3456789
Ohjeez;
Long post is boring.
Laterzzzzz.
Edit:
No frosting.
Ice cream instead, with caramel and chocolate sauces and ReddiWhip, probably.
IDC. I'm fucking craving something sweet and vanilla.
I should stop watching baking shows.
I'll regret this later, like tomorrow when I've gained an lb. :(
I hate when I plan binges, it makes me feel fucking stupid because I could just stop myself before I do it.
But I don't.
Oh damn, oh well.
Guess it's to be expected since it was a late start.
Late starts mess up the schedule;
1st hour, 2nd hour, 4th hour, C lunch, 5th hour, 3rd hour, and then 6th hour.
You'd think after years of doing this I'd be used to it;
Nope, I got fucking confused about whether or not I was going to English after 5th hour.
I have English 6th hour. :/
I felt dumb.
And I finally put together a sort of 'plan'.
I brought home the planner I used to use in school, and decided I'm going to start keeping track of stuff -like food and calories and all that shitty stuff.
I've decided I'll fast whenever I feel like it -at least once a week-, but I'm not going to push to go more than one day at a time.
If I'm not fasting, I'll try to stay under 500 calories.
Any day I go over 1,000 calories is considered a "binge"/"fail" day.
I don't really have any sort of 'punishment' type thing in mind for fail days, only that the next day will probably be a fast.
Sugar-free gum, Propel packets -the little ones you put in water bottles, there's other types I just usually prefer Propel-, and chewing&spitting does not count, but I'm only able to have up to two packets a day.
I will onlynot do my "exercise" on days that I fast, but on days that I chew&spit I have to do about, like, half.
I do sit-ups in a pattern of 1, then 2, then 3, etc etc; until I get up to ten, and then I start at ten and go down.
Same with push ups, only I just go up to 5 and then back down.
Let lifts are the same as sit ups.
And on "fail" days, I have to -Ahm- "pace"?
Basically just walking circles in my room, or jogging in place, for at least 5 minutes -pacing is actually more like half an hour, with high-knees for 20 minutes.
Jesus, this all sounds so damn complicated, but it's not;
I've already been doing it I guess, I've just never written it down.
And putting it here is just helping to solidify it to myself.
I like having plans, and I don't know how i got along for so long without one.
Ohright, I was doing a shitty job before.
Anyways;
Today isn't a binge yet, but I'm not sure if it's passed.
I think right now it has, but I've got a HUGE craving for frosting, and I think we have some...
I'm waiting for my mom and brother to leave for his basketball practice before I go look.
And if I'm lucky -or really unlucky I suppose-, I'll have a container of frosting to eat while watching Pretty Little Liars.
Then I'll do more exercise, and read two chapters of Madame Bovary, and then sleep.
@Thinlypure;
Ohmugod, I didn't even think about ants! xD
It was all cool though, but I did forget to toss it again. Hahaha. Fail. :)
Thank you! :D
Dunno if I'm actually out for real though, not after today. xD
Today feels like an experiment, to see if I should lower or possibly higher my set intake;
It'll probably end up needing to be lowered. Blah. :P
Anyways, hope your doing good, even though lame school's started again! < 3456789
Ohjeez;
Long post is boring.
Laterzzzzz.
Edit:
No frosting.
Ice cream instead, with caramel and chocolate sauces and ReddiWhip, probably.
IDC. I'm fucking craving something sweet and vanilla.
I should stop watching baking shows.
I'll regret this later, like tomorrow when I've gained an lb. :(
I hate when I plan binges, it makes me feel fucking stupid because I could just stop myself before I do it.
But I don't.
Oh damn, oh well.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
9th birthdays and 40 + 1/2 hours.
I ate today, after going, like, 40 1/2 hours.
I guess I should count the mint last night, or the chocolates I had at around one;
But I don't feel like it.
Only reason I don't feel super bad about eating three HUGE pieces or veggie pizza and a piece of ice cream cake, is because it was my neighbor's birthday -and he's practically my little brother.
He's 9, we waited up until midnight last night for it to be today.
Oh, weighed for the first time in a while tonight:
159.5 lbs.
Shit. At least I'm out of the 160s though, and it'll hopefully stay that way.
I read a shit ton today; got to Part Three -not chapter, part- in Madame Bovary, and up to chapter nine in The Scarlet Letter.
Homework accomplished, for the most part.
I just need to get Madame Bovary done and over with, so I can do the dumb project and start my second book. :/
I go back to school tomorrow, if I hadn't made that clear;
2 hour late start, I get to wake up at 7:30 instead of 5:30.
I feel like I'm forgetting something or missing something though. Ugh.
And I left some candy canes and a 2-litre bottle of Mtn Dew in my locker for all of break...
I'm freaked that it, like, exploded or something? xD
...That would actually be realllyyy bad.
My phone's dying, and I don't know what else to say.
My feet are cold again, and so are some of my fingers.
I want to watch Family Guy, and stay up until 3a.m again.
I don't want to return to school.
I like chilling alone.
Sigh...
Laterzzzzz.
I guess I should count the mint last night, or the chocolates I had at around one;
But I don't feel like it.
Only reason I don't feel super bad about eating three HUGE pieces or veggie pizza and a piece of ice cream cake, is because it was my neighbor's birthday -and he's practically my little brother.
He's 9, we waited up until midnight last night for it to be today.
Oh, weighed for the first time in a while tonight:
159.5 lbs.
Shit. At least I'm out of the 160s though, and it'll hopefully stay that way.
I read a shit ton today; got to Part Three -not chapter, part- in Madame Bovary, and up to chapter nine in The Scarlet Letter.
Homework accomplished, for the most part.
I just need to get Madame Bovary done and over with, so I can do the dumb project and start my second book. :/
I go back to school tomorrow, if I hadn't made that clear;
2 hour late start, I get to wake up at 7:30 instead of 5:30.
I feel like I'm forgetting something or missing something though. Ugh.
And I left some candy canes and a 2-litre bottle of Mtn Dew in my locker for all of break...
I'm freaked that it, like, exploded or something? xD
...That would actually be realllyyy bad.
My phone's dying, and I don't know what else to say.
My feet are cold again, and so are some of my fingers.
I want to watch Family Guy, and stay up until 3a.m again.
I don't want to return to school.
I like chilling alone.
Sigh...
Laterzzzzz.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
2011.
OMJ, first blog post of the new year!
LOLOL... I'm not really that excited.
So far, this year is very uneventful.
Fell asleep at 3a.m, woke up at around 12:30p.m, read until, like, 4p.m...
Yeah, I've done nothing really.
Well, I guess reading 100-and something pages should make me feel accomplished, but it doesn't really.
My room is still messsyyyy -it's actually just my desk, but I want to vacuum and rearrange it, too- and I've got food still hidden in the Kohls bag under my bed.
Euw, that's really gross. :/
My feet are cold, and my house smells like tacos... or something.
Earlier it smelled like pizza...
Maybe I'm just imagining smells?
Ugh, it's raining...
First it snowed in November, and now it's raining in December/January.
Whatthefuck?
@heiscertainlyworthit;
I know in my posts, it sounds like I'm really hard on myself, but it doesn't really affect me at all.
Even though I yell at myself constantly, I still go and mess up again.
When will I learn? xD
Thanks though... < 3456789
Anyways, I need some socks.
Laterzzz.
LOLOL... I'm not really that excited.
So far, this year is very uneventful.
Fell asleep at 3a.m, woke up at around 12:30p.m, read until, like, 4p.m...
Yeah, I've done nothing really.
Well, I guess reading 100-and something pages should make me feel accomplished, but it doesn't really.
My room is still messsyyyy -it's actually just my desk, but I want to vacuum and rearrange it, too- and I've got food still hidden in the Kohls bag under my bed.
Euw, that's really gross. :/
My feet are cold, and my house smells like tacos... or something.
Earlier it smelled like pizza...
Maybe I'm just imagining smells?
Ugh, it's raining...
First it snowed in November, and now it's raining in December/January.
Whatthefuck?
@heiscertainlyworthit;
I know in my posts, it sounds like I'm really hard on myself, but it doesn't really affect me at all.
Even though I yell at myself constantly, I still go and mess up again.
When will I learn? xD
Thanks though... < 3456789
Anyways, I need some socks.
Laterzzz.
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