(Can You Feel My Heart -- Bring Me the Horizon)

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Nerves and August.

I can't be not nervous (double negative, mhm).It's really bad lately.
Like, maybe it's only because it's August.
What is it about August?
Let's make this shweet, pro-looking, hm?
  • I have another Behind the Wheel on the 29th
  • My birthday is on the 31st
  • My road test is on the 1st of September
  • Open house is on the 2nd
  • The first football game is on the 2nd too, I think.
  • School starts the 6th
  • There's so much bullshit with my friends right now, but I absolutely CAN'T do fuck about it
All of these nerves can pretty much be connected to my so-called "eating disorder", or lack thereof.
Is thereof one word?
I don't want to be like this anymore. I don't want to fucking CARE.
Why does it have to be me? Us? Why this group of people?
Okay, maybe I understand it for me, because I'm the shittiest kind of person, but really?
This. Is. Bullshit.

I hate ranting on here.

Know what? I have some small feeling that somebody might comment and want to say that I'm not a failure and all that, but I have proof to it.
On the other hand, I know nobody's going to try and make me feel better. NOBODY. GIVES. A. DAMN.
There's so much fucking hatred in these words.

People who have been following me since, well, the beginning know that I struggled to get out of the 160s for quite a while.
Everybody else knows that I just don't post my weight.
Well, fuck it, here's the proof to my failure:
I still weigh ~158.
Yeah, and this is where my nerves come from.

This was supposed to be a losing summer, but I completely disregarded every single goal I set for myself.
...Maybe disregarded is the wrong word, but whatever.

Also, I really fucking hate it when people spell shit wrong on Facebook, like, MULTIPLE times.
It's FOLLOW, with two Os, dumb bitch.
Fallow? What the Hell? Blame it on our "accents", but fucking still.
Don't be so ignorant, especially since you want to become a writer.
Pft, as if you're drug-addicted ass is getting anywhere.


Laterz, loveliez.


  1. I give a damn and I'm not caring what you say cause I firmly believe that you are NOT a failure. You have shown nothing but kindness and support to me and I can see a lot of myself in your words. It sounds like you're having a really stressful time at the moment and your ED doesn't seem to be making things any easier. Hang in there darling, you will lose the weight just try not to be too hard on yourself (hypocrite alert).

    You're seriously awesome and don't you go forgetting that. <3

  2. Hi!

    I'm such a stupid cunt, I can't believe I didn't sign in with you. What a doofus! My bad!

    Woah, mega NE of Cali sounds wicked! Just wish I were less of a pussy. I get cold in 90 degree heat if I drink a glass of cold water in the shade! Yeah, like that doesn't scream 'thyroid problems'!

    Hope the coming week is good for you! Love you, Jessie! <3. XXX.