Roller coasters and festivals

Warped was on Sunday and it was very fun.
I made the goal I set for myself, but just barely.
I lost 1 1/2 lbs at Warped, so that's cool.
Then I lost another pound yesterday.

I don't need my ex anymore. I know I don't. He texted me when I got home from Warped --which was weird because it was like exactly the second I laid down in my bed and I haven't talked to him in like a week or so, so it's not like he knew what I was doing-- and I finally was able to ignore him.
I felt so shitty deleting the text, I even debated just replying for a little bit.
But I don't know if I want to be friends with him. I want to be with him I think, and I don't want to keep hurting myself.
This kind of hurting isn't okay, because I can't make it stop.
But now I'm really confused about whether or not I like this other guy that lives here at home or if I just want a rebound or something.
We almost dated like three years ago or something, but I said no.
He's different now though, I think. More mature maybe.
And I'm not sure if I said no because I didn't like him or if I was just too scared.
I was my ex hadn't been the first one I'd been brave enough to try being with. Maybe this would be easier.
Um, anyways.
Apparently he likes me --the guy from here-- but he has a girlfriend.
And I guess he likes me but loves her or some shit? I don't know.
I haven't heard anything from him, but I've been hearing it from other people.

We stayed at a mutual friend's house last night and did stuff.
We didn't kiss or anything but ugh. He cheated on his girlfriend... with me.
What the fuck am I supposed to do?
It is and isn't my fault at the same time.
Then he was going to go to a different friend's house and smoke weed and I wanted to go, but then Mickey was at my house and we were supposed to hang out today and she freaked my mom out because my phone was dead and I hadn't called or anything lately.
Ugh. I don't know what the fuck to do.
I don't want to tell anyone, but at the same time I do?
I don't trust people with this.

I want him to break up with his girlfriend but I also don't.
I don't think I would like long-distance, and I leave and go back to school in about a month.
But I want him for this month. I want something to help me feel better.
I do like him, I just don't know if I like him enough to do anything about it.
I don't know if any of this is worth it.
He should break up with his girlfriend because he cheated on her though. I don't know her so I'm not worried about any sort of bitch backlash, and I hope he wouldn't say anyways.
Some things people just don't need to know.
I don't want to be in a labeled relationship with him. I just want to be around him, like, all the time.
Ugh. I kind of hate myself right now.

I didn't sleep last night and I don't feel like going to sleep now.
I guess I might go hang out with Mickey.
I just want to get out of my house now I guess.
I want to get high. I want to get so fucking stoned.
I want to be happy but I keep fucking myself up.


LeeTiger28:
Hellooooo :) Thank you so much, I'm surprised x100000 that I've managed to keep this weight. It's fucking weird that I'm kind of doing something right for once? I don't really like Full House much anymore, I think I've seen all the episodes. Sucks that you don't have TV though, unless you're not really a TV person, then it's probably not that bad.
Hope you're doing okay too < 3