(Can You Feel My Heart -- Bring Me the Horizon)

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Roller coasters and festivals

Warped was on Sunday and it was very fun.
I made the goal I set for myself, but just barely.
I lost 1 1/2 lbs at Warped, so that's cool.
Then I lost another pound yesterday.

I don't need my ex anymore. I know I don't. He texted me when I got home from Warped --which was weird because it was like exactly the second I laid down in my bed and I haven't talked to him in like a week or so, so it's not like he knew what I was doing-- and I finally was able to ignore him.
I felt so shitty deleting the text, I even debated just replying for a little bit.
But I don't know if I want to be friends with him. I want to be with him I think, and I don't want to keep hurting myself.
This kind of hurting isn't okay, because I can't make it stop.
But now I'm really confused about whether or not I like this other guy that lives here at home or if I just want a rebound or something.
We almost dated like three years ago or something, but I said no.
He's different now though, I think. More mature maybe.
And I'm not sure if I said no because I didn't like him or if I was just too scared.
I was my ex hadn't been the first one I'd been brave enough to try being with. Maybe this would be easier.
Um, anyways.
Apparently he likes me --the guy from here-- but he has a girlfriend.
And I guess he likes me but loves her or some shit? I don't know.
I haven't heard anything from him, but I've been hearing it from other people.

We stayed at a mutual friend's house last night and did stuff.
We didn't kiss or anything but ugh. He cheated on his girlfriend... with me.
What the fuck am I supposed to do?
It is and isn't my fault at the same time.
Then he was going to go to a different friend's house and smoke weed and I wanted to go, but then Mickey was at my house and we were supposed to hang out today and she freaked my mom out because my phone was dead and I hadn't called or anything lately.
Ugh. I don't know what the fuck to do.
I don't want to tell anyone, but at the same time I do?
I don't trust people with this.

I want him to break up with his girlfriend but I also don't.
I don't think I would like long-distance, and I leave and go back to school in about a month.
But I want him for this month. I want something to help me feel better.
I do like him, I just don't know if I like him enough to do anything about it.
I don't know if any of this is worth it.
He should break up with his girlfriend because he cheated on her though. I don't know her so I'm not worried about any sort of bitch backlash, and I hope he wouldn't say anyways.
Some things people just don't need to know.
I don't want to be in a labeled relationship with him. I just want to be around him, like, all the time.
Ugh. I kind of hate myself right now.

I didn't sleep last night and I don't feel like going to sleep now.
I guess I might go hang out with Mickey.
I just want to get out of my house now I guess.
I want to get high. I want to get so fucking stoned.
I want to be happy but I keep fucking myself up.

Hellooooo :) Thank you so much, I'm surprised x100000 that I've managed to keep this weight. It's fucking weird that I'm kind of doing something right for once? I don't really like Full House much anymore, I think I've seen all the episodes. Sucks that you don't have TV though, unless you're not really a TV person, then it's probably not that bad.
Hope you're doing okay too < 3

1 comment:

  1. I definitely know the feeling. Every time I step on the scale and it goes down, I'm like "wuuuuuut?! But I never do anything right!" Exhausting. I'm not super big into TV, but sometimes I miss watching really trashy reality shows. They're my biggest guilty pleasure. I'm headed to Warped this Sunday, hoping to get to my first goal weight by then...Yikes. Congrats on your success though!!! Boys are just all around weird. Nothing good ever comes of them, I've learned. But dude, props for ignoring your ex! Teach me how to do that? LOL. Anyway, hope all is good.
    <3 Lee