(Can You Feel My Heart -- Bring Me the Horizon)

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Homecoming and dances.

Homecoming 2011 is done.
I want to say 'finally' and turn back the clock to do it all over again at the same time.
The football team won, by one point; how magical. :P
Hung out with 'everybody', but not really, along with some other people.
One of my not-so-good 'acquantances' was high, it was funny but kind of stupid.
The dance was all right, but sort of only made the hole I've dug for myself this week deeper.

I feel like I don't have any friends; or like I do, but they're not the friends I need/want.
They're all terribly self-centered... or maybe it's all just me.
I'm selfish for thinking they're selfish.
I'm sort of a horrible person.

Anyways, don't think I'll be going to the next dance. The whole thing just reminds me that I'm fat and nobody really actually likes me.

Also, I've been having... scary dreams. They're not scary in an actual nightmarish way, but to me they're horrible. They're almost always about me 'falling in love' or 'finding The One'.
I hate it, so fucking much.  There's nothing I'm more scared of than neediness, mostly in myself; in others it's sort of just annoying.
Love is just something I hope for and want as of lately I suppose, but can't have.
It's kind of a lot to think about and deal with on top of all this Junior year bullshit.
I legit cried for the first time in a long time too.


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