(Can You Feel My Heart -- Bring Me the Horizon)

Sunday, November 21, 2010

This is not a blog.

Okay, maybe it is...
And, it's my first.... and I'm at a loss of what to say.

Maybe we should get acquainted first, aye?
Firstly, my name is Jessie. Not a unique name, I know... I hate it, but whatever.
I live in the U.S, in one of the states that actually has all four seasons... haha.
It's barely winter now -I think, if it is even winter yet?- and there's already fucking SNOW.
I LOVE SNOW, but not in November. -..- This is supposed to be my favorite jeans/sweatshirt weather, not shivering in my hoodies and seperating myself from the outdoors. UGH.
..And snow makes me think of Christmas, which is still far off. Thanksgiving is first... :/
Anyways; I'm fifteen, the stupid age of nothing.  Sure, I got my permit, but who really gives? I want to be either older or younger, not stuck in the damn middle.
I live with my mom, my dad, my brother, and my dog and cat.
Music is a big part of my life, it's like an addiction.  It's always there for me, when nobody else is.
And now I suppose I should confess a few things, hm? The things that I wouldn't dare talk about with anybody else, and are sort of the reasons I wanted to make this blog thing?
...It's sort of hard to type it, because I'm not sure how to say it...
But, oh well, here goes;
I do not have an eating disorder -as far as I'm concerned anyways.. :p- but sometimes I can be... obsessed with my weight.
SINCE IT'S TOO MUCH. God, hideous fat... I hate it so much...
I try really hard not to fall into the trap that I know are eating disorders, but it's hard when I'm just so interested in them.
I know they make life Hell, I know they ruin everything... but I can't help it.
Also, I'm not depressed -once again, I don't think I am anyways-, but I've got a few... unhealthy tendencies and a real weird habit of seriously hating myself... If that makes sense?
This is the real hard part to come clean about, because I feel like such a hypocrite, but well... I cut.
Or, I have cut. It's another thing I'm trying to stay away from, but it's hard... It's, well, ADDICTING.
But the only place I want to do it is an obvious place, and my wristband will only cover them up for so long... I'll run out of room eventually, so I really should just stop.

Yeah, well.. I'm not sure what else to write. I'm sort of in a 'blah/okay' mood today, since it's Sunday so I've really got nothing to do... besides homework, which I probably won't do anyways...
'Spose I'll just go surf around on PrettyThin or get on MyYearBook or somethin'...

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