(Can You Feel My Heart -- Bring Me the Horizon)

Monday, June 13, 2011

Suuurveeyy and laptop screens.

There's stuff on the screen.
It's bothering me; it looks like water drops, but IT'S NOT.

I have to pisssss, this is bullshiiiit.

It sounds like my house is going to break...
I'm tweeaaaakin'.

Distraction survey time...
Size: Depends... anywhere from 5 - 9 (US), I think.
Age: 15 3/4 ;)
Highest Weight: ...170
Lowest Weight: ~120
Goal Weight: 111... maybe 97.

Favorite Diet Food?
Anything low calorie, I guess... Pickles are GOOD.

Favorite Binge Food?
Basically everything; chocolate lately, Oreos...

Favorite Exercise?
Swimming, walking, easy stuff. I'm mega lazy.

I guess "scene" or whatever the Hell, but anybody with an awesome leg gap, lovely arms, a stomach that is way skinnier than a belt (does that make sense?), and looks nice/confident is nice to look at sometimes.

What Makes You Slip Up?
Being bored, being alone, being hungry, being with my mom, sitting in my living room, sitting in my room in the middle of the night...

What Makes You Strong?
Not much, having already fasted/restricted for a day or two tends to make it easier, but those first days are the hardest.

When Did It Start?
When did what start?  Thinking not eating would make me a better person?  I don't know, I think it's just always sort of been in the back of my mind.  I've denied food and binged when I was alone for as long as I can remember; I do it subconsciously basically, I gues.

Does Anyone Know?
People that read this do.

Do You Want Help?
Only help that would actually help me would be someone taking all my food away and forcing me to look in a mirror and realize that IS ME.

How Many Calories Do You Consume A Day?
Depends on the day, I go for somewhere around 1,000 a less on "binge days" and 500 or less any other time.

What Do You See When You Look In The Mirror?
I don't know, sometimes I don't even think it's me; it's complicated.

Are You In A Relationship?
Blech, no.

Is It For Attention?
Is what for attention?  Everything everybody does usually has an underlying intention of getting attention, so I guess most of what I do is for attention..

Are You The Fat Or Thin One Out Of Your Friends?

Are You Depressed?
Doubt it.

Ever Tried To Commit Suicide?
I almost cut a vein/artery or whatever the Hell last Halloween or something, but decided against it. Dunno if that would've killed me, dunno if that counts as an "attempt".  But I've obviously and definitely thought about it.

Ever Been To A Psychologist?

Are You On Any Medication?
Is it bad to say "I wish"?

I AM -
[ ] anorexic
[ ] ednos
[ ] bulimic
[ ] living off diet pills
[ ] hungry
[x] thirsty
[ ] drinking something
[ ] eating something
[ ] under 100lbs
[ ] starving myself
[fucked it up already] participating in a fast
[ ] vegan

[I don't think they're serious] ask if I’m anorexic/bulimic
[not often] call me fat
[if I call myself fat] say I’m skinny
[people probably think it at least] say I’m ugly
[sadly] say I’m pretty
[probably] spread rumors about me
[ ] force me to eat
[think it] say I eat too much
[ ] wish I’d eat more
[ ] don't know I'm anorexic/bulimic
[ ] have tried to stop me

[x] I was thin
[x] I had a better body
[x] I didn't have to eat
[x] I could control myself
[x, or at least around 110] I was under 110lbs
[x] I could avoid food
[it's hard to hide fat] I could hide what I am
[x] I wasn’t fat
[x] I was prettier
[ ] I could stop being ana/mia
[ ] I had a boy/girlfriend
[depends on the day] I could disappear

[x] feeling hungry
[x] seeing a difference
[depends on what's shaking (lol), but I usually don't mind it] shaking
[x] being weak
[x] losing weight
[ ] being anorexic/bulimic
[ ] green tea
[ ] diet pills
[x] being able to turn down food
[x] feeling good about myself

[ ] when people stare
[x] being asked questions
[x] having to eat
[ ] being single
[x] wearing short skirts
[x] being fat
[x] looking ugly
[x] feeling this way
[ ] fat people

[x] more support
[x] people to stay out of my business
[ ] more friends
[x] someone to know
[x] less food
[x] more water
[x] a gym membership
[x] to lose 50 lbs
[x] to lose 30 lbs
[x] to lose 10 lbs

LALALA. I'm bored again.
And need to piss again.

Oh, and awesome that people liked the pictures I uploaded. I'll do it again when I'm booorreeeddd, and have some cool pictures.
I like making people happy. ^^

I have to piss again, so;
Latuhz, loveliez.


  1. This whole survey makes my heart ache for you. I feel exactly the same way. <3 Hang in there.

  2. It's funny that you say the "belt" thing, because I think the EXACT same thing!!!!