(Can You Feel My Heart -- Bring Me the Horizon)

Monday, June 6, 2011

IDK and hate.

I'm sunburnt.
Is it sunburnt or sunburned?
It sort of hurts, on my left shoulder and calves.
But I'm cold. Really cold.
I want more water.
IDK what to write.
I hate this, I really hate this right now.
Life, dude, it's just like...
What's the fucking point?

School's almost over.
I've basically lost 0 lbs this whole school year.
Failure, dude. I suck.
Suck. Sucksucksucksucksuck.
This whole FUCKING thing just SUCKS.
I'm so fat, it's disgusting.
I don't even know what to do right now.

Fuck off. Just FUCK OFF.
Ohmygod, I'm not going to cry.
No, no tears.
I can fix this, I can BE BETTER, but I just SUCK SO FUCKING MUCH.
This summer is going to be messed up. If I don't fix myself this summer, if I can't be somebody else next year, I don't know what the Hell I'll do.

I'm supposed to go swimming with people after school Wednesday, but I'm not fucking swimming.
Why do I have to be like this? WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS?
Why can't I be like Jean, or Deli, or Beth?! HELLSHITBITCHFUCK.
I'm pissed.
I don't think I can do this.
Any of it.

I have behind the wheel Wednesday, and I'm fucking terrified.
Combining three of my least favorite things EVAR; Driving -with somebody else, I'm constantly afraid of FUCKING UP and they'll think I'm SO FUCKING DUMB-, awkward situations -I've heard my instructor dude is really FUCKING awkward and weird-, and meeting/being with somebody I DON'T FUCKING KNOW.
He's going to think I'm fat. Oh God, what if he wants to look at my permit? I didn't used to have the right weight on it, but now... I don't fucking know.
I'm gaining. I'm losing. I'm such a FUCK.


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