IDK and hate.

I'm sunburnt.
Is it sunburnt or sunburned?
It sort of hurts, on my left shoulder and calves.
But I'm cold. Really cold.
I want more water.
IDK what to write.
I hate this, I really hate this right now.
Life, dude, it's just like...
What's the fucking point?

School's almost over.
I've basically lost 0 lbs this whole school year.
Failure, dude. I suck.
Suck. Sucksucksucksucksuck.
This whole FUCKING thing just SUCKS.
I'm so fat, it's disgusting.
I don't even know what to do right now.

Fuck off. Just FUCK OFF.
Ohmygod, I'm not going to cry.
No, no tears.
I can fix this, I can BE BETTER, but I just SUCK SO FUCKING MUCH.
This summer is going to be messed up. If I don't fix myself this summer, if I can't be somebody else next year, I don't know what the Hell I'll do.

I'm supposed to go swimming with people after school Wednesday, but I'm not fucking swimming.
That's grotesque. IT'S ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT COOL.
Why do I have to be like this? WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS?
Why can't I be like Jean, or Deli, or Beth?! HELLSHITBITCHFUCK.
I'm pissed.
I don't think I can do this.
Any of it.

I have behind the wheel Wednesday, and I'm fucking terrified.
Combining three of my least favorite things EVAR; Driving -with somebody else, I'm constantly afraid of FUCKING UP and they'll think I'm SO FUCKING DUMB-, awkward situations -I've heard my instructor dude is really FUCKING awkward and weird-, and meeting/being with somebody I DON'T FUCKING KNOW.
He's going to think I'm fat. Oh God, what if he wants to look at my permit? I didn't used to have the right weight on it, but now... I don't fucking know.
I'm gaining. I'm losing. I'm such a FUCK.

FUCK.