(Can You Feel My Heart -- Bring Me the Horizon)

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

English and binges.

Lately, me eating almost anything is classified as a binge.
Because, lately, once I start, I can't fucking stop.
I can go, like, one day not eating/staying within my limit;
But then the next day, and maybe a day or two or three after that it's just Hell.
I shouldn't be complaining, because it's my own fault, but shit.

If I could loose one pound every two days...

I just finished doing part of my English vocabulary thing, that's due on Friday... I think.
If not, then Hell yes that I got started on it and won't have to do it this weekend. :D
I'm excited for this weekend...
Want to know what I'm doing?
Oh, that sucks, I'm telling you anyways.

Yup, I'm excited to be doing nothing.
Because I've started to hate doing anything.
I'm a total fucking hermit-in-training.
If I didn't have to go to school, I probably would hardly go anywhere.
It would be sort of like summer... maybe. xD
I know one day, I'll look back on all of this bullshit and be mother fucking pissed;
But yeah. I don't care, I guess.

Today I was thinking, and I've realized something;
My obsession with D needs to stop.
This whole thinking about him constantly and getting pissed that he'd rather be with/talk to some frosh instead of me is so fucking pathetic.
I don't want him, and I'm not going to have him.
This love/relationship/boys thing is different for me.
Because I('m) overly emotional, refuse to admit some feelings, get embarassed easily, need attention, hate certain kinds of attention, always wants it to be about me, wants to either be in complete control or zero control -if and only if somebody else has it all under control...-, and, most importantly, worthless, not-worth-saving, and fat.

Did any of that make sense?
Meh, it's all true.
I'm going to end up just like my grandma...
The one that got in an abusive relationship, got a divorce, and now lives by herself -and the rest of her family talks shit behind her back about her being annoying.

This sucks.
I'mma be up until, like, 11:00 doing leg lifts now.


1 comment:

  1. oh hun i kno how you feel about the eating and how you feel..
    dont assume youll end up like youre grandma. first off.. if you ever ever ever end up in an abusive relationship, get out of it right away because you dont deserve that at all. you will find someone

    im here for you if you ever need to talk tho <3