(Can You Feel My Heart -- Bring Me the Horizon)

Monday, May 9, 2011

Stressin' and hatin'.

I need to release right now.
To fuck if anybody reads this, I guess.
I do like people to say if they relate, or to give me advice, though... (*nudge nudge hint hint wink wink)...
JUST KIDDING, yo' fuckers.

Anyways, let's go;
So, everybody remembers Chris, right?
My love interest for, maybe, a few hours? Yeah, he's a fucking DOUCHE.
Is that how you spell douche?
...Don't get distracted, Jessie.
Yeah, when he figured out that I was done "liking" him, which also meant done talking to him, he started going for the girl that he brought to my party.
Did I name her? Nah, for now we can just call her Swiggle (don't ask, like usually).
So he's all chattin' it up with Swiggle, leading her on and the like.
He asks her to the movies, and she is SO FUCKING EXCITED.
He then tells her he can't go, because he's gotta work (he works at BK, like LAWLZ).
Then he calls up Beth and asks if he and Scott -her boyfriend- would like to go the movies on Saturday with him and a girl.
...Gettin' it, yet?
So, while Beth and I are chillin' on the bus on a way to a field trip -with Swiggle on a different bus, since she's frosh, and Chris at school because he's not in any class that got to go- and we're talkin' about it.
We start gettin' all "Whut?" about what we're talking about, and tell Swiggle that Chris is actually going to the movies on Saturday anyways -without her, obvi.
I text Chris and ask him what the shit he's doing and why he's fucking around with Swiggle like that.
He basically denies it, says that he told her not to get her hopes up about going, and that he actually does have to work and blahblahblah.
I tell him somebody's lying, because this bullshit isn't matching up, then abruptly stop texting him.
Swiggle keeps texting him later, and he's spouting all this "holier-than-thou" 'tude and saying shit like:
"I've liked this girl for a really long time, and we had a chance to be together so I took it.";
"Aren't you listening? I said I liked you a little."; &
"I'm not being an ass right now, but I can be."

Like; holy. Hell. WHUT?
He texted me later that night though, my guess is because he wanted to see if I was seriously pissed at him, but I just didn't bring it up.
Thought about tellin' him he was an ass, but got scared of impending conflict.
So he thinks we're still friends.
He's not cool, he's not hot, and he's not everything he imagines himself to be.

We've been trying to FaceBook creep his new girl, but my phone's been dumb and says he's got no friends and all that.

Is it messed up though that if he had been some sort of a dick, instead of a clingy girl, when we'd been doing our "thing", I might've been much more interested?

On the bright side, he didn't come to my house last Friday for my "annual/weekly/bi-weekly party" thing.
An exchange student and a different guy came instead.
LOVE THEM. < 3 < 3 < 3 < 3
They're funny, and totally my new friends -if not besties.
Sadly, exchange student has to leave June 17th or something. :(
And we're all hanging out at Beth's -everybody that usually chills, minus Chris and plus exchange student and his bro' from here that sits behind me in Bio- on Friday.
Maybe making cupcakes with Deli that day, since Beth's birthday is next Monday.
But, not for sure yet.

Deli thinks I hate her, because I'm going through one of my 'episodes' where I do hate her.
She's annoying and has, like, multiple personalities and always -ALWAYS- has to befriend my friends...
But she's still one of my closest friends, and I love her.
And I'm way more positive about things this week. xD

Even though this time of the month makes me want to off myself.

Also, I've been failing at everything concerning food and weight, and have shot up a few pounds and can't fucking drop...
Or when I do, I binge like Hell and gain it all back within two - three days.
I'm so sick of it.
I hardly ate today, though, and it's pretty chill feeling.

This is long, but it's vent-session.
I've already vented about it in real life enough, but putting it here is better.

Also [x2], I took some personality test -don't have the link or results handy, sadly-, which said that I could possibly have two or three different disorders that would be linked to my fear of close relationships and dependency on others (to help me with life and decisions, while I really prefer to be hanging out alone most days).
I don't think I have some disorder, but it's pretty suh-weet that I'm not completely fucked up for being like how I am.

Also [x3], I'm supposed to take some online test that will determine which side of my brain is dominant -which corresponds to the opposite side of my body- which could also explain why I am how I am.
It's slightly fucked up and peculiar...
And I'm supposed to write at least one page about the results and how it actually does tie into my personality, but I dunno if I'll do it.
I'm getting so behind... mostly in Algebra II.
My brain -both sides- have checked out of school, and I seriously stopped caring.
I never really cared before anyways, but it's bad.
I'm behind at least three assignments in math, and more now that I didn't do tonight's assignment...

Jean lied to me about having her stuff today, though, which is utter bullshit.
Said she had it at home, when it was actually in the other locker.
I could've used her fucking math book.
Ugh, whatever.

Also [x4], someone got into my locker or something, I think, and five-finger-discounted-ed my Spanish stuff.
What. The. SHIT?

Agh, people and their nonsence and lives and utter fuck-a-billy ways of messing with me and how I am.

Laterz, loveliez.

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