(Can You Feel My Heart -- Bring Me the Horizon)

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Crying and dying [and Day Thirty-Three].

I'm horrible at voicing my emotions.
Like, I can be pissed, but I'm never really horribly mad.
I can be bothered, but I'm NEVER sad around ANYONE.
Even my own family isn't allowed to see me cry.
But I'm this horribly emotional person, ever since I was little I've cried easily. Pain, words, loud voices, the thought that I've upset someone that I really love accidentally -anything can make me tear up.
I need to not have these emotions, I need to be as emotionless as I pretend.
I wish it was that easy. I really do.

I might miss school on Friday, for a funeral. Ann's grandma died last night. I saw her more than my own grandparents, especially when I was younger.
Ann said it, she was how I found out. She wasn't in first hour this morning and I have her first hour teacher third hour -when she has an open hour- so she came down to see what she missed.
She told our teacher, and she almost started crying.
I should've hugged her or at least talked to her... but I didn't because I'm a horrible person.
I feel so bad, but I didn't want to start crying too. I hate comforting people. I'm so selfish.

I'm calming down I think. I wasn't really hysteric or anything, but I cried while driving home a little bit ago.
I'm feeling a little okay, better atleast.

DAY THIRTY-THREE: Will you continue counting calories when you reach your UGW?
If I ever get there, I think I'll have to, otherwise I'll gain everything back.

Thanks for the comments guys. Dunno if I'll be reciprocating tonight, but maybe...
Laterz, loveliez.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, so sorry to hear about this love.
    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your friend's family as you all adjust to this loss.
    Hang in there. *hugs* <3