My new schedule is fucking with my head.
I hate it. School takes so much longer.
I want my old English back, and my old Algebra II, and my old History, and my old Biology.
...Okay, maybe I'm sort of excited/terrified/FUCKED for my new Biology, but I seriously don't know what the Hell is going to happen this semester.
All I'm hoping for anymore is good grades, and weight loss.
I'm majorly brain-dead tired.
I'm only up for Skins;
I love Chris.
I'm nervous about tomorrow.
I need to stop daily weigh-ins again.
But GODDAMN, I'm fucking freaked.
My arms are cold.
...Today, my ex told me I shouldn't wear sweatshirts everyday.
...I didn't tell him I wear them to cover up my fat self.
We read a thing about anorexia in English today.
Yeah, I think I was the only one doing the fidget-awkward dance/glance.
Whatever.
Laterz.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Groceries and fucking up.
I wrote a post, and then my phone decided to be a GOD AWFUL BITCH, and do some restart-the-Internet thing;
It got deleted or whatever.
So, I'm summarizing;
Grocery shopping was okay, this morning I woke up feeling like shit and weak and junk, I couldn't finish my cereal, I ate too much dinner, but I don't think it was too much more than 1,000 calories, I'm terrified for tomorrow, I promised I wouldn't declare binge days anymore after fucking up, but I'm eating some ice cream later just because I fucking want it.
I'm feeding this craving, so I don't have to deal with it tomorrow.
Mondays are days I can easily get away with not eating dinner usually, but I never take advantage of it.
Tomorrow, I fucking am.
My head hurts, and I'm watching The Devil Wears Prada... < 3
I think I might change it though, because I've seen it seven trillion-jillion times...
Laterz.
It got deleted or whatever.
So, I'm summarizing;
Grocery shopping was okay, this morning I woke up feeling like shit and weak and junk, I couldn't finish my cereal, I ate too much dinner, but I don't think it was too much more than 1,000 calories, I'm terrified for tomorrow, I promised I wouldn't declare binge days anymore after fucking up, but I'm eating some ice cream later just because I fucking want it.
I'm feeding this craving, so I don't have to deal with it tomorrow.
Mondays are days I can easily get away with not eating dinner usually, but I never take advantage of it.
Tomorrow, I fucking am.
My head hurts, and I'm watching The Devil Wears Prada... < 3
I think I might change it though, because I've seen it seven trillion-jillion times...
Laterz.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Ramblings and... more ramblings
Blogging is what I do when I don't know what to do.
Right now I'm so lost in my own head, I don't know what's up.
I *strongly dislike* these thoughts; the ones that just CONFUSE me, the ones I have to re-think.
It's bullshit, and I don't even know what they are, or else I'd put them here.
It's a lot about not being me, or not being here; not being, like, real?
Fuck load of wanker's shit, ifyougetwhatI'msayin'.
God, my fingers are ice.
And I need to cut my damn hairrr.
The bangs on the side is too long.
My mom's leaving, so I guess I can do it now...
Widijemaloxoenskso. :/
Oh, this sha'll be a long post;
I'm typing it in the notes thingy on my phone, so whenever I feel like it I can just pop it open and have at it.
This way I don't have millions of posts for one day, because I couldn't find something better to do/I needed to put my shit somewhere else.
Ohmygosh, I have cravings, and I'm sort of hungry, but I don't feel like eating.
Not to mention it's only 2:45pm, and ruining my calorie count this earlier is just asking for disaster.
I think I'll go check the scale, to see if that's any 'motivation'.
...And I can put some pants on, 'cause my jeans are downstairs I think. xD
Mini-Laterz.
...I've lost my brother.
I don't think he went with my mom?
Uhhh... Shit?
...My puppy is snoring on the couch. :D
How cute. n.n
Well, nawt the snoring; just he looks like a little puppy when he sleeps, even though he's an old dog. :3
...I want Propel...
I'm going to watch a movie!
Uh, Tim Burton's Corpse Bride, Clue, The Skeleton Key, Pet Semetary, John Tucker Must Die, Jumper, WALL-E, Final Destination, The Devil Wears Prada, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Superstar, Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay, Meet the Fockers, Kung Fu Panda, or Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears A Who?
Holy fuck, I pile shit up on my DVR.
I hate making choices...
LOLOL, most of this stuff is way back from Halloween.
I love ABC Family's 13 Nights of Halloween, or whatever. :3
I'mma watch Clue;
SO FUNNNNYYYYY.
OhmyGod; my teeth hurt like shit.
I'm wearing my retainer, after not wearing it for, like, ever.
Ughhhh, my bottom teeth are so fucked again.
I didn't think I'd have to deal with all this shit, AFTER having braces.
;[
7:30pm
I'm thinking about going to the grocery store with my mom tomorrow...
Mostly because grocery shopping means walking -A LOT when it comes to going with my mom- and walking means burning calories.
The day after tomorrow is Monday, and I need to burn as much off as possible by then, so I'll be all good with my goal...
I'm hoping for lower actually, but I'm not getting my hopes up.
Ugh, food of any kind sounds good right now, but I can't.
I'll binge, or I just know I'll gain.
It's too late to be eating.
And my mom's here and I told her I wasn't hungry...
And I have to get through tomorrow.
Tomorrow is SUNDAY;
SUNDAYS FUCKING SUCK.
I actually want it to be Monday, I'm ready to be doing something again, instead of sitting around, thinking about food.
I *ALMOST* planned a binge, but then I forced myself to get distracted.
...The grocery store should be a good thing, as long as my mom doesn't try to turn it into some shopping trip.
I don't want to go look for a new coat;
The other two DIDN'T FIT, THAT'S FUCKING EMBARRASSING.
Maybe when I loose 20 lbs, I can get a new coat.
And I did just fine with sweatshirts all the way up until now, so yeah.
Lay off.
....Um. Whatever my mom's eating -chili I think, with crackers :( - smells so good...
I want a cracker.
Nononononono. I CAN'T.
In the morning, I'll have cereal.
That's it, period.
NOTHING tonight.
...I don't fucking want water either, I'm getting so sick of my house's water, and I drank the last water from the garage today.
...How many calories are in Sunny D?
80...
Too much.
I'll have some more Propel, I guess.
Crystal Light is so on the list for tomorrow.
Like, half the calories, and it's good.
Ugh. I feel like such a nutter...
YAY, comments. C:
@Nikki;
I actually think your post is what made me think about it.
I mean, I've thought about it before, but the symptoms you posted just described me.
But then I think I'm only seeing these symptoms because I, like, want to or whatever.
I don't remember what that's called... But yeah. :X
I stayed up after that because I couldn't fall asleep, and it was an okay-shitty-fucking-boring day.
But at least I might be able to go to bed early tonight, and won't have to sit around doing nothing again like last night. :3
@heiscertainlyworthit;
I think I also have an issue with diagnoses because I'm just in denial.
I want to be diagnosed because then it might prove that I've got problems, instead of just being messed the fuck up.
But then again, I CAN'T be diagnosed, because there's nothing wrong with me.
I'm dramatic, and I'm just whiny sometimes...
It's how I know I don't have an eating disorder, and whatever. :p :/
Oh, and I think the diagnosis for anorexia is bull shit.
I mean, you have to have every single thing, or else it's EDNOS?
Whatthefuck, it's like the people that make this up don't understand anything about people with eating disorders.
Ugh.
Thanks, same to you.
My teeth still fucking hurt.
OhmyGod, this has been a long weekend.
...OhmyGod,[x2] this is a long post.
Oh, I really hate commercials that say "ONLY ____ CALORIES! :D", even though it's always a FUCK LOAD of calories.
300-something for a breakfast sandwich? Are you kidding?
I need to chill;
I think I'm crabby from lack of sleep or something.
I dunno.
Laterz...
Right now I'm so lost in my own head, I don't know what's up.
I *strongly dislike* these thoughts; the ones that just CONFUSE me, the ones I have to re-think.
It's bullshit, and I don't even know what they are, or else I'd put them here.
It's a lot about not being me, or not being here; not being, like, real?
Fuck load of wanker's shit, ifyougetwhatI'msayin'.
God, my fingers are ice.
And I need to cut my damn hairrr.
The bangs on the side is too long.
My mom's leaving, so I guess I can do it now...
Widijemaloxoenskso. :/
Oh, this sha'll be a long post;
I'm typing it in the notes thingy on my phone, so whenever I feel like it I can just pop it open and have at it.
This way I don't have millions of posts for one day, because I couldn't find something better to do/I needed to put my shit somewhere else.
Ohmygosh, I have cravings, and I'm sort of hungry, but I don't feel like eating.
Not to mention it's only 2:45pm, and ruining my calorie count this earlier is just asking for disaster.
I think I'll go check the scale, to see if that's any 'motivation'.
...And I can put some pants on, 'cause my jeans are downstairs I think. xD
Mini-Laterz.
...I've lost my brother.
I don't think he went with my mom?
Uhhh... Shit?
...My puppy is snoring on the couch. :D
How cute. n.n
Well, nawt the snoring; just he looks like a little puppy when he sleeps, even though he's an old dog. :3
...I want Propel...
I'm going to watch a movie!
Uh, Tim Burton's Corpse Bride, Clue, The Skeleton Key, Pet Semetary, John Tucker Must Die, Jumper, WALL-E, Final Destination, The Devil Wears Prada, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Superstar, Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay, Meet the Fockers, Kung Fu Panda, or Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears A Who?
Holy fuck, I pile shit up on my DVR.
I hate making choices...
LOLOL, most of this stuff is way back from Halloween.
I love ABC Family's 13 Nights of Halloween, or whatever. :3
I'mma watch Clue;
SO FUNNNNYYYYY.
OhmyGod; my teeth hurt like shit.
I'm wearing my retainer, after not wearing it for, like, ever.
Ughhhh, my bottom teeth are so fucked again.
I didn't think I'd have to deal with all this shit, AFTER having braces.
;[
7:30pm
I'm thinking about going to the grocery store with my mom tomorrow...
Mostly because grocery shopping means walking -A LOT when it comes to going with my mom- and walking means burning calories.
The day after tomorrow is Monday, and I need to burn as much off as possible by then, so I'll be all good with my goal...
I'm hoping for lower actually, but I'm not getting my hopes up.
Ugh, food of any kind sounds good right now, but I can't.
I'll binge, or I just know I'll gain.
It's too late to be eating.
And my mom's here and I told her I wasn't hungry...
And I have to get through tomorrow.
Tomorrow is SUNDAY;
SUNDAYS FUCKING SUCK.
I actually want it to be Monday, I'm ready to be doing something again, instead of sitting around, thinking about food.
I *ALMOST* planned a binge, but then I forced myself to get distracted.
...The grocery store should be a good thing, as long as my mom doesn't try to turn it into some shopping trip.
I don't want to go look for a new coat;
The other two DIDN'T FIT, THAT'S FUCKING EMBARRASSING.
Maybe when I loose 20 lbs, I can get a new coat.
And I did just fine with sweatshirts all the way up until now, so yeah.
Lay off.
....Um. Whatever my mom's eating -chili I think, with crackers :( - smells so good...
I want a cracker.
Nononononono. I CAN'T.
In the morning, I'll have cereal.
That's it, period.
NOTHING tonight.
...I don't fucking want water either, I'm getting so sick of my house's water, and I drank the last water from the garage today.
...How many calories are in Sunny D?
80...
Too much.
I'll have some more Propel, I guess.
Crystal Light is so on the list for tomorrow.
Like, half the calories, and it's good.
Ugh. I feel like such a nutter...
YAY, comments. C:
@Nikki;
I actually think your post is what made me think about it.
I mean, I've thought about it before, but the symptoms you posted just described me.
But then I think I'm only seeing these symptoms because I, like, want to or whatever.
I don't remember what that's called... But yeah. :X
I stayed up after that because I couldn't fall asleep, and it was an okay-shitty-fucking-boring day.
But at least I might be able to go to bed early tonight, and won't have to sit around doing nothing again like last night. :3
@heiscertainlyworthit;
I think I also have an issue with diagnoses because I'm just in denial.
I want to be diagnosed because then it might prove that I've got problems, instead of just being messed the fuck up.
But then again, I CAN'T be diagnosed, because there's nothing wrong with me.
I'm dramatic, and I'm just whiny sometimes...
It's how I know I don't have an eating disorder, and whatever. :p :/
Oh, and I think the diagnosis for anorexia is bull shit.
I mean, you have to have every single thing, or else it's EDNOS?
Whatthefuck, it's like the people that make this up don't understand anything about people with eating disorders.
Ugh.
Thanks, same to you.
My teeth still fucking hurt.
OhmyGod, this has been a long weekend.
...OhmyGod,[x2] this is a long post.
Oh, I really hate commercials that say "ONLY ____ CALORIES! :D", even though it's always a FUCK LOAD of calories.
300-something for a breakfast sandwich? Are you kidding?
I need to chill;
I think I'm crabby from lack of sleep or something.
I dunno.
Laterz...
Alarm clocks and sleep.
One of my parents' alarm clocks started going off at 7, and I laid in my room for, like, ever, waiting for someone to turn it the fuck off.
Then I got up to piss, looked in their room, and nobody was in there.
So then I went and messed with whoever's alarm clock, and probably fucked it up.
Ohwell, my parents should be a little fucking considerate.
My throat hurts. Ughhhh.
It should be illegal to be up this early.
OhmyGoddddd.
But since I've been up, I've been thinking.
I know people that are diagnosed with stuff, stuff they DON'T EVEN HAVE.
Like one of my friends supposedly has ADD or something, but I don't believe her.
And she always tells me this shit that she's underweight and she has to gain seven pounds or else they'll take her Adderall away or something.
She's not normally one to lie, but I think she does to me to seem cooler; more "emo".
IM NOT FUCKING EMO!
Her and her boyfriend need to grow up.
Anyways;
I was thinking about all those wrong diagnoses, and that makes menwonder why I haven't been diagnosed with anything?
I mean, I seriously think I have issues sometimes, and I don't want medicine format;
I just want to know that the things I think, the stuff I do, the way I can't stay focused and hate looking in mirrors:
I want to know that that's not just how I am.
...My train of thought is gone.
I'm watching King of the Hill, and it's funny and distracting.
Turns out taking Spanish I and half of Spanish II -so far- wasn't a waste;
I understood a lot of the Spanish in that episode. :3
I think I want to go back to sleep, but I'm already up. :/
I have nothing to do though.
Decisionsdecisionsdecisions....
Laterz.
Then I got up to piss, looked in their room, and nobody was in there.
So then I went and messed with whoever's alarm clock, and probably fucked it up.
Ohwell, my parents should be a little fucking considerate.
My throat hurts. Ughhhh.
It should be illegal to be up this early.
OhmyGoddddd.
But since I've been up, I've been thinking.
I know people that are diagnosed with stuff, stuff they DON'T EVEN HAVE.
Like one of my friends supposedly has ADD or something, but I don't believe her.
And she always tells me this shit that she's underweight and she has to gain seven pounds or else they'll take her Adderall away or something.
She's not normally one to lie, but I think she does to me to seem cooler; more "emo".
IM NOT FUCKING EMO!
Her and her boyfriend need to grow up.
Anyways;
I was thinking about all those wrong diagnoses, and that makes menwonder why I haven't been diagnosed with anything?
I mean, I seriously think I have issues sometimes, and I don't want medicine format;
I just want to know that the things I think, the stuff I do, the way I can't stay focused and hate looking in mirrors:
I want to know that that's not just how I am.
...My train of thought is gone.
I'm watching King of the Hill, and it's funny and distracting.
Turns out taking Spanish I and half of Spanish II -so far- wasn't a waste;
I understood a lot of the Spanish in that episode. :3
I think I want to go back to sleep, but I'm already up. :/
I have nothing to do though.
Decisionsdecisionsdecisions....
Laterz.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Boredom and apples.
I'm so SO bored that I'm just sitting in my room, doing nothing.
No school + snow + friends being jackasses == A VERY FUCKING BORED JESSIE.
Yeahhuh.
C from MYB has been pissing me the fuck off lately.
But fighting with her is so unsatisfying...
She fails at life, especially when she tries to be like me.
Period, the end, close the book.
My feet are fucking COLD.
I don't want socks though.
I'm thirsty, but lazy...
And I don't want to re-fill a water bottle, so I'd have to get a new one and those are in the garage and I'm not in the mood for water but there's no diet pop and I don't want any 20-calorie Propel packets.
Does diet pop really have 0 calories?
Ive always wondered, 'cause Diet Dr. Pepper sounds gewd -even though indent have any.
And I'm a pop ADDICT, but I haven't been drinking it 'cause I'm never in the mood to pour liquid calories down my throat.
Blech.
I'm watching Food Network, but nothing looks good.
WhattheHell, Food Network should make GOOD FOOD.
What's a banana foster?
...I like bananas.
But I dint eat them.
I also want to seen off apples, and get new fruits, 'cause I guess apples are high on the fruits-with-sugar scale...
Even though apples are the thing I go to when I want food, but shouldn't eat, and don't feel like going out of control.
Ugh.
@heiscertainlyworthit;
I haven't tried fasting in ever, 'cause my fasting always ends up with bingeing.
You shouldn't be embarrassed! I only am because my weight has barely changed, and that's fucking dumb.
Oh, no, I'm in Minnesota. xD
Yesterday was sort of warm, and it gave me hope, but some man on the news ruined everything and told me the snow will probably stay until spring. D:
...I should paint my nails, they look ugly.
Ugh. So much effort.
Laterz.
[Minor]EDIT!:
I just realized I've lost 5.5 lbs in one month...
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?
I fail at everything.
-Sigh.-
No school + snow + friends being jackasses == A VERY FUCKING BORED JESSIE.
Yeahhuh.
C from MYB has been pissing me the fuck off lately.
But fighting with her is so unsatisfying...
She fails at life, especially when she tries to be like me.
Period, the end, close the book.
My feet are fucking COLD.
I don't want socks though.
I'm thirsty, but lazy...
And I don't want to re-fill a water bottle, so I'd have to get a new one and those are in the garage and I'm not in the mood for water but there's no diet pop and I don't want any 20-calorie Propel packets.
Does diet pop really have 0 calories?
Ive always wondered, 'cause Diet Dr. Pepper sounds gewd -even though indent have any.
And I'm a pop ADDICT, but I haven't been drinking it 'cause I'm never in the mood to pour liquid calories down my throat.
Blech.
I'm watching Food Network, but nothing looks good.
WhattheHell, Food Network should make GOOD FOOD.
What's a banana foster?
...I like bananas.
But I dint eat them.
I also want to seen off apples, and get new fruits, 'cause I guess apples are high on the fruits-with-sugar scale...
Even though apples are the thing I go to when I want food, but shouldn't eat, and don't feel like going out of control.
Ugh.
@heiscertainlyworthit;
I haven't tried fasting in ever, 'cause my fasting always ends up with bingeing.
You shouldn't be embarrassed! I only am because my weight has barely changed, and that's fucking dumb.
Oh, no, I'm in Minnesota. xD
Yesterday was sort of warm, and it gave me hope, but some man on the news ruined everything and told me the snow will probably stay until spring. D:
...I should paint my nails, they look ugly.
Ugh. So much effort.
Laterz.
[Minor]EDIT!:
I just realized I've lost 5.5 lbs in one month...
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?
I fail at everything.
-Sigh.-
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Fucking and eating.
I'm saying fuck it today.
Not really, but I'm telling myself I am.
Since first semester is over, I should get some sort of reward for my -as of right now- A-minus average.
...I've been eating anyways this week, but yeah.
I'm full, but I'm going to eat my mom's french toast and scrambled eggs anyways.
Ohyeah, eating when not hungry is the ultimate evil.
Whatever.
I'm in a sort-of-good mood anyways though...
Except there was just something on the TV that said "Why wait to loose the weight?"
....
I'm back up to where I started this week, probably.
I haven't posted my weight on here in a while, yeah?
...I don't want to.
It's dumb that I'm still embarassed about it, on my own damn blog.
But yeah... Ohwell.
I want summer, or spring.
Something I can go and RUN in.
I'm not a runner, I've never, ever, ran without needing/having to.
...Well, there was the two different weeks I attempted to start a running regime with two different friends, but y'know.
One of my RP friends is online, and one of the bitches I hate is on too. :P
She's nawt talking to me, thank the Lord.
LOLOL. She just get offline.
She does that whenever she gets on a certain profile, and sees that I'm on as well.
HELLO, I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING TALK TO YOU.
I would delete her, but that's a lot of fucking effort.
I DON'T HAVE SCHOOL TOMORROW.
Yayayay.
And I'm hoping to Hell that the snow that's melting will keep melting, and WON'T COME THE FUCK BACK.
Ah, I had things to write, but now they went *poof*.
...SOMEONE ON THE NEWS JUST SAID THIS SNOW WILL BE HERE STILL IN FUCKING SPRING.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
...Laterz.
Not really, but I'm telling myself I am.
Since first semester is over, I should get some sort of reward for my -as of right now- A-minus average.
...I've been eating anyways this week, but yeah.
I'm full, but I'm going to eat my mom's french toast and scrambled eggs anyways.
Ohyeah, eating when not hungry is the ultimate evil.
Whatever.
I'm in a sort-of-good mood anyways though...
Except there was just something on the TV that said "Why wait to loose the weight?"
....
I'm back up to where I started this week, probably.
I haven't posted my weight on here in a while, yeah?
...I don't want to.
It's dumb that I'm still embarassed about it, on my own damn blog.
But yeah... Ohwell.
I want summer, or spring.
Something I can go and RUN in.
I'm not a runner, I've never, ever, ran without needing/having to.
...Well, there was the two different weeks I attempted to start a running regime with two different friends, but y'know.
One of my RP friends is online, and one of the bitches I hate is on too. :P
She's nawt talking to me, thank the Lord.
LOLOL. She just get offline.
She does that whenever she gets on a certain profile, and sees that I'm on as well.
HELLO, I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING TALK TO YOU.
I would delete her, but that's a lot of fucking effort.
I DON'T HAVE SCHOOL TOMORROW.
Yayayay.
And I'm hoping to Hell that the snow that's melting will keep melting, and WON'T COME THE FUCK BACK.
Ah, I had things to write, but now they went *poof*.
...SOMEONE ON THE NEWS JUST SAID THIS SNOW WILL BE HERE STILL IN FUCKING SPRING.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
...Laterz.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Hiding and finals.
I'm in my room, to keep away from food.
I want Fritos, cheese and crackers, taco shells...
Uhmm, this sucks.
From this morning I've gained half a pound.
HALF A FUCKING POUND.
I don't even know what to do right now, I'm in a very bad mood.
Think I did OK on my English essay test;
Have Spanish, Biology, and English finals tomorrow, and a History test.
I should study, but I won't.
I can't study by myself, FUCK THAT.
And my mom's not home.
Ohwell.
My brother probably wants dinner...
And that really fucking sucks.
Laterz.
Edit!:
I don't feel like making a new post.
Uh, I just hinged, sort of.
I don't know if I went over one thousand, and it's KILLING ME.
I think I had 200'left, and so that means I didn't go over 1,000... But I can't fucking remember how I figured this out earlier.
Ohmygod. I feel so fat, and BLOATED.
I've never really felt, or noticed that I was, bloated;
It's gross.
I feel extended, and like I might puke.
Ugh. Cereal.
No joke, who binges on cereal?
Ugh.
I want Fritos, cheese and crackers, taco shells...
Uhmm, this sucks.
From this morning I've gained half a pound.
HALF A FUCKING POUND.
I don't even know what to do right now, I'm in a very bad mood.
Think I did OK on my English essay test;
Have Spanish, Biology, and English finals tomorrow, and a History test.
I should study, but I won't.
I can't study by myself, FUCK THAT.
And my mom's not home.
Ohwell.
My brother probably wants dinner...
And that really fucking sucks.
Laterz.
Edit!:
I don't feel like making a new post.
Uh, I just hinged, sort of.
I don't know if I went over one thousand, and it's KILLING ME.
I think I had 200'left, and so that means I didn't go over 1,000... But I can't fucking remember how I figured this out earlier.
Ohmygod. I feel so fat, and BLOATED.
I've never really felt, or noticed that I was, bloated;
It's gross.
I feel extended, and like I might puke.
Ugh. Cereal.
No joke, who binges on cereal?
Ugh.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Red eyes and ...stuff.
My left eye is so completely fucked up.
I can see fine, but it's major red and it's, like, sore.
I had a ton of people ask me if I had pink eye, and another asked if I was high.
"Oh, shit yeah. I'm so high, but only half my face. Mmmmm, I'm a stoner; you know it, dumbshit."
Not my exact words, 'cause it was one of my sort-of-school-acquaintances, but yeah.
Ugh.
Finally done with The Scarlet fucking Letter after tomorrow.
I have a timed essay test sixth hour, which means I have to write five paragraphs in fifty-ish minutes.
Just kill me now.
I'm not sure if today counts as a binge, 'cause it was around 900, but probably more.
I stood around for almost 2 hours, but yeah, I probably gained.
I figured out today that I HAVE to loose something like 45.5-56.5 lbs.
I had it written on my hand, but it was in pencil, so now I dont remember.
Huhm, I'm
Tired.
This was boring. Sorry.
Laterz.
I can see fine, but it's major red and it's, like, sore.
I had a ton of people ask me if I had pink eye, and another asked if I was high.
"Oh, shit yeah. I'm so high, but only half my face. Mmmmm, I'm a stoner; you know it, dumbshit."
Not my exact words, 'cause it was one of my sort-of-school-acquaintances, but yeah.
Ugh.
Finally done with The Scarlet fucking Letter after tomorrow.
I have a timed essay test sixth hour, which means I have to write five paragraphs in fifty-ish minutes.
Just kill me now.
I'm not sure if today counts as a binge, 'cause it was around 900, but probably more.
I stood around for almost 2 hours, but yeah, I probably gained.
I figured out today that I HAVE to loose something like 45.5-56.5 lbs.
I had it written on my hand, but it was in pencil, so now I dont remember.
Huhm, I'm
Tired.
This was boring. Sorry.
Laterz.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Puking and CEREAL.
I feel like I'm about to throw up.
Blech, icky feeling in my throat. :P
I downed so much cereal, Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
It was good -MAJORGEWD- at the time, but now it's all... gross in my stomach
Agh, digest and become more useless fat cells already.
...I actually think I stayed under 500 today though, pretty sure actually.
Uh, I've got nothing to say...
I'm doing mega-BITCHING at school, my semester grades SHOULD be top-ass.
Yeahbuddy, rollin' like a big shot.
...I have a B in English though, that might end up lower since I didn't take notes while reading The Scarlet Letter.
Which also means I might tank the essay test on Wednesday.
Rawrblahfuckmyteacher.
Finished other stuff though, soyeah.
Huh, I'm tired, and I dont think I'm going to watch Skins tonight.
I'll watch it tomorrow, when I get home from school;
It'll be a sweet distraction.
I DON'T HAVE SCHOOL FRODAY.
Oh Lord, muchas gracias; te amo... no, jotakah.
Lol. Estoy chica perro.
Si?
...
SI?!
...
POR QUEEEEEE?!
xD
Fuck?
I'm tired, d00d.
MAYJERRAGER, INYOURPANTS.
Am I invited?
Fucking OF COURSE.
...Suh-weet.
Te amo, I forget how to say sometimes. xD
Laterz.
Blech, icky feeling in my throat. :P
I downed so much cereal, Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
It was good -MAJORGEWD- at the time, but now it's all... gross in my stomach
Agh, digest and become more useless fat cells already.
...I actually think I stayed under 500 today though, pretty sure actually.
Uh, I've got nothing to say...
I'm doing mega-BITCHING at school, my semester grades SHOULD be top-ass.
Yeahbuddy, rollin' like a big shot.
...I have a B in English though, that might end up lower since I didn't take notes while reading The Scarlet Letter.
Which also means I might tank the essay test on Wednesday.
Rawrblahfuckmyteacher.
Finished other stuff though, soyeah.
Huh, I'm tired, and I dont think I'm going to watch Skins tonight.
I'll watch it tomorrow, when I get home from school;
It'll be a sweet distraction.
I DON'T HAVE SCHOOL FRODAY.
Oh Lord, muchas gracias; te amo... no, jotakah.
Lol. Estoy chica perro.
Si?
...
SI?!
...
POR QUEEEEEE?!
xD
Fuck?
I'm tired, d00d.
MAYJERRAGER, INYOURPANTS.
Am I invited?
Fucking OF COURSE.
...Suh-weet.
Te amo, I forget how to say sometimes. xD
Laterz.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Nervous-ness and... thought processes.
My thought process before, during, and after-?- this blog.
"-While drinking Sunny D, straight from the carton, in an empty kitchen- Did I blog today?
I don't think so, no, but what did I do today? ...I went to a basketball game, but I did that yesterday... And I, uh, attempted and failed to fast. Jeeze, such a binge... and that Rootbeer/vanilla vodka thing wasn't that good.
Huh, I don't understand how people can like the taste of vodka. With orange juice that one time it was okay-ish, but still?
Oh, yeah, I don't want to document more failure, but -FUCK- I wanted to try and blog everyday...
Uh, huh...
-In room, lying in bed, flicking through channels on the TV.- What should I call it?
Basketball and... Meh, no, used that yesterday I think?
Eck, why does my mouth taste funny? ...Oh yeah, Sunny D and failure.
Heh, Family Guy is on. HA, YO' MOMMA JOKE. That's awesome.
Argh, this is just like that one night where I can't stay focused, but that one person found it funny. :3
...Was she the one I never replied to, the one that told me to get a Snuggie? LOL, backwards robe.
Hell if I remember.
Hm, I'm nervous about tomorrow... I'm fat, and most likely missed my goal again.
At the same time
I'm INSANELY curious.
Blah.
AH, blog... Blogblogblog.
Hm, I've got an idea... Yeah.
-Grabs phone, gets on Blogger, and starts typing,- Nervous-ness and thought processes..."
;P
Laterz.
"-While drinking Sunny D, straight from the carton, in an empty kitchen- Did I blog today?
I don't think so, no, but what did I do today? ...I went to a basketball game, but I did that yesterday... And I, uh, attempted and failed to fast. Jeeze, such a binge... and that Rootbeer/vanilla vodka thing wasn't that good.
Huh, I don't understand how people can like the taste of vodka. With orange juice that one time it was okay-ish, but still?
Oh, yeah, I don't want to document more failure, but -FUCK- I wanted to try and blog everyday...
Uh, huh...
-In room, lying in bed, flicking through channels on the TV.- What should I call it?
Basketball and... Meh, no, used that yesterday I think?
Eck, why does my mouth taste funny? ...Oh yeah, Sunny D and failure.
Heh, Family Guy is on. HA, YO' MOMMA JOKE. That's awesome.
Argh, this is just like that one night where I can't stay focused, but that one person found it funny. :3
...Was she the one I never replied to, the one that told me to get a Snuggie? LOL, backwards robe.
Hell if I remember.
Hm, I'm nervous about tomorrow... I'm fat, and most likely missed my goal again.
At the same time
I'm INSANELY curious.
Blah.
AH, blog... Blogblogblog.
Hm, I've got an idea... Yeah.
-Grabs phone, gets on Blogger, and starts typing,- Nervous-ness and thought processes..."
;P
Laterz.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Note to self;
Dear Jessie,
In case you weren't already aware, you can not eat anything else today.
You went way over your limit, and you didn't even stop.
You're fat, your thighs are lard balloons, and your arms are wings.
Too bad they could never get your fat ass off the ground.
Two pounds, at least, is what you gained today.
It can take up to two days to loose that much, and you consumed that in a few hours?
What the HELL is your problem?
Are you fat AND dumb?
Ha, that answer is obvious.
You better not eat tomorrow, because not making your goal on Monday for the third week in a row IS NOT AN OPTION.
That razor needs to stay in your drawer, FUCKING UNDERSTAND?
Water, that's all you need, and air.
You can't have what you want looking like how you look.
It's grotesque. You heard what that girl said in the hall, and you weigh more than that.
Don't be more of a failure, fatty.
Sincerely,
Jessie.
In case you weren't already aware, you can not eat anything else today.
You went way over your limit, and you didn't even stop.
You're fat, your thighs are lard balloons, and your arms are wings.
Too bad they could never get your fat ass off the ground.
Two pounds, at least, is what you gained today.
It can take up to two days to loose that much, and you consumed that in a few hours?
What the HELL is your problem?
Are you fat AND dumb?
Ha, that answer is obvious.
You better not eat tomorrow, because not making your goal on Monday for the third week in a row IS NOT AN OPTION.
That razor needs to stay in your drawer, FUCKING UNDERSTAND?
Water, that's all you need, and air.
You can't have what you want looking like how you look.
It's grotesque. You heard what that girl said in the hall, and you weigh more than that.
Don't be more of a failure, fatty.
Sincerely,
Jessie.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Friday and gaining.
Im bored.
And tired.
And gaining, probably.
...And watching King of the Hill; it's an episode about being overweight and blahblahblah.
My mom got more Propel packets today, and I want another one.
I'll probably grab one, and then just go to sleep...
Probably fall asleep on the couch, with my makeup on and junk.
Yeuhp.
My fingers smell like onions.
Sorry this is so monotone and boring, Fridays and food make me like this.
Here I am, alone on a Friday night, going to sleep at 9 o'clock...
Unless SOMEBODY'S on MYB, specifically T, so I can bitch about C with her...
And maybe about her dumb, Internet boyfriend, who only told me a week or so ago that he actually liked me and sometimes he still does...
But now he ignores me, and I hate it.
It's so much like IRL...
did I mention that I think somebody maybe told that-one-boy-I-dated-and-broke-up-with-a-week-later-and-then-three-days-later-he-started-dating-a-whore <--him that I was talking shot aout how he's being a both lately, 'cause he's been talking to menagain.
Ugh. The woes of being me, and the woes of all boys who "fall" for me, only to be disappointed that, no matter how hard I try not to, I find faults in everyone.
ARGH, PESSIMISTIC.
Laterz.
And tired.
And gaining, probably.
...And watching King of the Hill; it's an episode about being overweight and blahblahblah.
My mom got more Propel packets today, and I want another one.
I'll probably grab one, and then just go to sleep...
Probably fall asleep on the couch, with my makeup on and junk.
Yeuhp.
My fingers smell like onions.
Sorry this is so monotone and boring, Fridays and food make me like this.
Here I am, alone on a Friday night, going to sleep at 9 o'clock...
Unless SOMEBODY'S on MYB, specifically T, so I can bitch about C with her...
And maybe about her dumb, Internet boyfriend, who only told me a week or so ago that he actually liked me and sometimes he still does...
But now he ignores me, and I hate it.
It's so much like IRL...
did I mention that I think somebody maybe told that-one-boy-I-dated-and-broke-up-with-a-week-later-and-then-three-days-later-he-started-dating-a-whore <--him that I was talking shot aout how he's being a both lately, 'cause he's been talking to menagain.
Ugh. The woes of being me, and the woes of all boys who "fall" for me, only to be disappointed that, no matter how hard I try not to, I find faults in everyone.
ARGH, PESSIMISTIC.
Laterz.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
COLD [x2] and minor-binges.
Mhm. Binged.
Dunno how many calories, but now it's like all my C&S was for nothing.
Filled up maybe one-fourth of a box with... food-spit.
Euw. xD
Um, but things were healthy-ish... except cheese and crackers.
OMNOM, cheese'n'crackers.
Blah.
Maybe since I've been restricting this week, I can maintain or not gain a lot?
I've got hiiiiighhh hopes, like high, apple pie in the skyyyyy hopes.
....Don't ask.
I'm still SO COLD.
Heater went out or something this morning, so yeah.
I made banana bread -that batter was surprisingly good... :/- and my mom's keeping the oven open for heat. :P
It's not on, so I don't really understand how it's helping...
But whatever zips her flyyyy.
I'm pretending to be finishing my English project, and drinking Mtn Dew.
Out of all the pops in my garage, Mtn Dew had the fewest calories. :P
I seriously didn't want any water, and I only have one packet left. D:
OHMUHGAWSH, I JUST REMEMBERED:
I might get diet pills. :3
If my neighbor gets them, and I can buy some...
Her mom is letting her get them, but I mentioned it to my mom and she just said:
"Oh, that's not good."
Blahblahblah.
She wants to loose 20lbs for prom, 'cause she thinks she's gained ten lately.
I keep telling her you have to weigh IN THE MORNING, after you go to the bathroom, or else the scale is going to be WRONG.
Jeesh.
I have the hiccups now; carbonation can suck my dick.
Uhhuhm, I wish it was morning-time so I could go weigh myself.
It's only fucking six-thirty.
Fuckmylifeeeeee.
GODDAMMIT HICCUPS.
I'm nom'ing some banana bread I just made.
I planned on eating it slowly, but just shoved half of it in my mouth.
...I have the urge to spit it out....
GODDAMMIT; I knew this would turn into an addiction.
Can't believe I seriously just did that.
Hmph.
I feel like I've got something more to say.
Hmhmhm; actually I'm pretty sure I'm just procrasting.
Idon'twanttodomyEnglish,nonononononononononono.
SO BORING.
There's only a paragraph left, but oi...
I've already written this exact thing for a different book, and I don't want to write the same thing all over again. >:P
Fuck you English language and literary merit; FUCK YOU AND YOUR UGLY MOMMA.
...LOL. I just said a your mom joke to literature.
xD
I'M CRAZY, and all sorts of fucked-up.
My blogs are so long.
IDON'TCURRRR.
My fingers are cold.
They have been all day, and I jammed my pinky on a chair today. Dx
OWCH, that hurt.
Ugh, I think I'll end up writing about themes, and how it was influential in those times and it's still influential for this time, because it helps us look back on our past and see how younger black girls saw the world.
:P
So much work to get this done. D:
I want to write other things though. >:P
Poooooppp.
Hm, I think I'm just going to blurt this out.
I RolePlay, on MyYearbook.
Got an issue, a problem, or whatever? I don't care.
I already keep that a secret from the rest of the world, keeping it a secret on here is dumb.
'Specially 'cause there's drama on thurr, and it's HILARIOUS.
I don't care for internet drama, of any kind, because it's the internet and NOBODY CARES.
I want to use a character of mine. Blahblahblah.
Mostly just to piss somebody else off, 'cause they's a BITCH.
And besides, I can't find a way to just go off and write by myself, like a book, so this is just the same thing, sort of basically.
My mom's looking at my finished project right now, and her face is all twisted-curious-like...
Fuck her if something's wrong, I AIN'T FIXING IT.
Hahaha, so yeah;
This is too long. D:
@heiscertainlyworthit;
LOLOL. I was at the point where I was just babble-typing whatever popped into my head. O:
Me talking is WAY WORSE, but it's supposedly funny...
I'll have to let loose more often then, if it makes you happy. :3
....Sorry 'bout that, but PANCAKES BE SOO GOOD, and I want some. D:
I have a wicked soft blanket in my room, but it doesn't help! And I lost my other ones. :P
I seriously need to get this done, so I can do other things...
Laterz.
Dunno how many calories, but now it's like all my C&S was for nothing.
Filled up maybe one-fourth of a box with... food-spit.
Euw. xD
Um, but things were healthy-ish... except cheese and crackers.
OMNOM, cheese'n'crackers.
Blah.
Maybe since I've been restricting this week, I can maintain or not gain a lot?
I've got hiiiiighhh hopes, like high, apple pie in the skyyyyy hopes.
....Don't ask.
I'm still SO COLD.
Heater went out or something this morning, so yeah.
I made banana bread -that batter was surprisingly good... :/- and my mom's keeping the oven open for heat. :P
It's not on, so I don't really understand how it's helping...
But whatever zips her flyyyy.
I'm pretending to be finishing my English project, and drinking Mtn Dew.
Out of all the pops in my garage, Mtn Dew had the fewest calories. :P
I seriously didn't want any water, and I only have one packet left. D:
OHMUHGAWSH, I JUST REMEMBERED:
I might get diet pills. :3
If my neighbor gets them, and I can buy some...
Her mom is letting her get them, but I mentioned it to my mom and she just said:
"Oh, that's not good."
Blahblahblah.
She wants to loose 20lbs for prom, 'cause she thinks she's gained ten lately.
I keep telling her you have to weigh IN THE MORNING, after you go to the bathroom, or else the scale is going to be WRONG.
Jeesh.
I have the hiccups now; carbonation can suck my dick.
Uhhuhm, I wish it was morning-time so I could go weigh myself.
It's only fucking six-thirty.
Fuckmylifeeeeee.
GODDAMMIT HICCUPS.
I'm nom'ing some banana bread I just made.
I planned on eating it slowly, but just shoved half of it in my mouth.
...I have the urge to spit it out....
GODDAMMIT; I knew this would turn into an addiction.
Can't believe I seriously just did that.
Hmph.
I feel like I've got something more to say.
Hmhmhm; actually I'm pretty sure I'm just procrasting.
Idon'twanttodomyEnglish,nonononononononononono.
SO BORING.
There's only a paragraph left, but oi...
I've already written this exact thing for a different book, and I don't want to write the same thing all over again. >:P
Fuck you English language and literary merit; FUCK YOU AND YOUR UGLY MOMMA.
...LOL. I just said a your mom joke to literature.
xD
I'M CRAZY, and all sorts of fucked-up.
My blogs are so long.
IDON'TCURRRR.
My fingers are cold.
They have been all day, and I jammed my pinky on a chair today. Dx
OWCH, that hurt.
Ugh, I think I'll end up writing about themes, and how it was influential in those times and it's still influential for this time, because it helps us look back on our past and see how younger black girls saw the world.
:P
So much work to get this done. D:
I want to write other things though. >:P
Poooooppp.
Hm, I think I'm just going to blurt this out.
I RolePlay, on MyYearbook.
Got an issue, a problem, or whatever? I don't care.
I already keep that a secret from the rest of the world, keeping it a secret on here is dumb.
'Specially 'cause there's drama on thurr, and it's HILARIOUS.
I don't care for internet drama, of any kind, because it's the internet and NOBODY CARES.
I want to use a character of mine. Blahblahblah.
Mostly just to piss somebody else off, 'cause they's a BITCH.
And besides, I can't find a way to just go off and write by myself, like a book, so this is just the same thing, sort of basically.
My mom's looking at my finished project right now, and her face is all twisted-curious-like...
Fuck her if something's wrong, I AIN'T FIXING IT.
Hahaha, so yeah;
This is too long. D:
@heiscertainlyworthit;
LOLOL. I was at the point where I was just babble-typing whatever popped into my head. O:
Me talking is WAY WORSE, but it's supposedly funny...
I'll have to let loose more often then, if it makes you happy. :3
....Sorry 'bout that, but PANCAKES BE SOO GOOD, and I want some. D:
I have a wicked soft blanket in my room, but it doesn't help! And I lost my other ones. :P
I seriously need to get this done, so I can do other things...
Laterz.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Obsessions and cold.
I'm obsessed with blogging lately.
And right now I'm bored, and can't sleep.
Well, I actually don't know if I can sleep or not, because I haven't even tries yet... Butyeah.
My brain won't turn off. :P
It's just thought after thought after thought; ADD, possibly.
LOLOL, it would be hilarious if I had ADD, mostly because people in my math class think I do because I can't stay on one topic very well...
And sometimes I blurt things out, and it sounds dumb.
That happened a lot today... xD
Okay, only twice, but they both seriously made everybody near me crack the fuck up.
Oh, I also had a C&S obsession today.
Sooo much.
And then I was sitting later on my laptop, trying to fool myself into doing English, and I realized I actually felt full...
I couldn't have had more then, like, 300 calories today.
Whatthefuck, that's awesome.
Hm, I want to know my weight.
I weighed with my clothes and stuff on and then was way surprised and like removed stuff to see the numbers go down...
It made mennot hungry. :D
Why the Hell am I still typing?
AH, my fingers and toes are SO COLD.
I don't wear socks when I sleep, but jeeze this sucks.
Coldcoldcoldcold.
I'm watching Family Guy, and I'm bored.
Lalalalalalalala, so bored, and so cold.
And I'm getting sick of peeing so much.
Obelisk, I don't want to gomagain.
My bed is almost warm. D:
I haven't even had that much water today, but RAWR.
LOLOL. TMI?
Nah; there's worse I could talk about. xD
Huhm, will I even post this?
Maybe, perhaps.
Ramblerambleramble, blahblahblah, boredboredbored, coldcoldcold, notreallytired...
Havetopisshavetopisshavetopisss...
Reallywanttodyemyhair, reallywishihadntcutitsoshortnow...
Needtocutmybangs.
Shouldstartusingspacesagain?
Nahnahnah?
Whyisitalways3x?
Dunnodunnodunno.
SRSLYgottapeegottapeegottapee, andshouldtrytosleepsleepsleep...
CantwaitforSaturday.
If anyone actually attempts to, OR ACTUALLY CAN, read any of that will blow my mind.
SRSLY. I don't even know if I could understand all this. xD
Gr, I want more orange proposes. D:
I should look up more low-cal, veg recipes for my mom.... I like cooking. :3
And I like tacos. :O
BEANTACO, OMNOM!
....PANCAKES!
I keep setting this up to end, and I keep failing. xD
My parents probably think I'm mental for going to the bathroom so much... xD
Huh, I wonder if my mom's home...
Dude, I tried to pop a blackhead on my nose, but then I like scratched it open, and it's ugly and red... xD
I have fat thighs, and they're getting goosebumps...
MMM, that's attractive.
I don't think I'm quite all here right now...
xD
Fuckthislife.
I think I'm done now.
Not really, but yeah. xD
Laterz.
EDIT:
there's so manymistakes ^^^^^ bit I don't feel like fixing them. xD
Only editing so I can...
@Thinkypure;
Do they still show that commercial? I havent seen it in forever!
:O Not three days fasting, just three days maybe under 500 cals, and no binges. xP
And right now I'm bored, and can't sleep.
Well, I actually don't know if I can sleep or not, because I haven't even tries yet... Butyeah.
My brain won't turn off. :P
It's just thought after thought after thought; ADD, possibly.
LOLOL, it would be hilarious if I had ADD, mostly because people in my math class think I do because I can't stay on one topic very well...
And sometimes I blurt things out, and it sounds dumb.
That happened a lot today... xD
Okay, only twice, but they both seriously made everybody near me crack the fuck up.
Oh, I also had a C&S obsession today.
Sooo much.
And then I was sitting later on my laptop, trying to fool myself into doing English, and I realized I actually felt full...
I couldn't have had more then, like, 300 calories today.
Whatthefuck, that's awesome.
Hm, I want to know my weight.
I weighed with my clothes and stuff on and then was way surprised and like removed stuff to see the numbers go down...
It made mennot hungry. :D
Why the Hell am I still typing?
AH, my fingers and toes are SO COLD.
I don't wear socks when I sleep, but jeeze this sucks.
Coldcoldcoldcold.
I'm watching Family Guy, and I'm bored.
Lalalalalalalala, so bored, and so cold.
And I'm getting sick of peeing so much.
Obelisk, I don't want to gomagain.
My bed is almost warm. D:
I haven't even had that much water today, but RAWR.
LOLOL. TMI?
Nah; there's worse I could talk about. xD
Huhm, will I even post this?
Maybe, perhaps.
Ramblerambleramble, blahblahblah, boredboredbored, coldcoldcold, notreallytired...
Havetopisshavetopisshavetopisss...
Reallywanttodyemyhair, reallywishihadntcutitsoshortnow...
Needtocutmybangs.
Shouldstartusingspacesagain?
Nahnahnah?
Whyisitalways3x?
Dunnodunnodunno.
SRSLYgottapeegottapeegottapee, andshouldtrytosleepsleepsleep...
CantwaitforSaturday.
If anyone actually attempts to, OR ACTUALLY CAN, read any of that will blow my mind.
SRSLY. I don't even know if I could understand all this. xD
Gr, I want more orange proposes. D:
I should look up more low-cal, veg recipes for my mom.... I like cooking. :3
And I like tacos. :O
BEANTACO, OMNOM!
....PANCAKES!
I keep setting this up to end, and I keep failing. xD
My parents probably think I'm mental for going to the bathroom so much... xD
Huh, I wonder if my mom's home...
Dude, I tried to pop a blackhead on my nose, but then I like scratched it open, and it's ugly and red... xD
I have fat thighs, and they're getting goosebumps...
MMM, that's attractive.
I don't think I'm quite all here right now...
xD
Fuckthislife.
I think I'm done now.
Not really, but yeah. xD
Laterz.
EDIT:
there's so manymistakes ^^^^^ bit I don't feel like fixing them. xD
Only editing so I can...
@Thinkypure;
Do they still show that commercial? I havent seen it in forever!
:O Not three days fasting, just three days maybe under 500 cals, and no binges. xP
Wishes and fast food.
I wish I was still little, back when I could eat whatever the fuck I wanted and I didn't care.
I knew I was fat, but I ate anyways.
...I cried about it sometimes, but still; I want food so bad right now.
My dad asked me if I'd like Subway or something, but I said no.
I planned my dinner already, and it's happening at, like, six...
Or probably a little before.
I have a feeling I'm going to binge, and I'm terrified...
It's only been three days, I'm so weak.
I didn't even want to get out of bed this morning.
...I still want pancakes.
LIFE ALERT, PLEASEEEEE.
BeepbeepbeepbeepbeepBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.
Dead. x/
Haha, @Thinlypure;
I laughed so hard after reading your comment... And I don't even know why. x3
I need to finish my homework, I'm almost done finally. :P
...And chewing&spitting a granola bar sounds so good right now.
OhfuckingGod.
Laterz.
I knew I was fat, but I ate anyways.
...I cried about it sometimes, but still; I want food so bad right now.
My dad asked me if I'd like Subway or something, but I said no.
I planned my dinner already, and it's happening at, like, six...
Or probably a little before.
I have a feeling I'm going to binge, and I'm terrified...
It's only been three days, I'm so weak.
I didn't even want to get out of bed this morning.
...I still want pancakes.
LIFE ALERT, PLEASEEEEE.
BeepbeepbeepbeepbeepBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.
Dead. x/
Haha, @Thinlypure;
I laughed so hard after reading your comment... And I don't even know why. x3
I need to finish my homework, I'm almost done finally. :P
...And chewing&spitting a granola bar sounds so good right now.
OhfuckingGod.
Laterz.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Blueberry PANCAKES and homework.
I have lots of homework, sort of.
I was all GO-GO-GO on getting my English project when I got home.
Eh, I didn't do anything.
I'm thinking about doing my math now... But there's a substitute tomorrow, so I doubt we'll be turning anything in anyways.
I WANT PANCAKES, SO BAD.
Have I mentioned this before? Yeahuh, I think so, maybe...
OhmyFUCKINGlord; pancakespancakespancakes.
BUT, NAWT the ones from home.
I want Perkins-style perfection, crispy-lyke on the outside, mushy on the inside.
And holyfuck, blue berries, or banana...
Both? Shit.
...And I want the stuffed French toast that's on my TV [I'm a Food Network ADDICT].
Peanut butter and bananas on the inside.
Fuuuckkk; PB.
Shit, I'm crazy.
I love breakfast food, but I can't eat it.
...Except cereal, my normal and/or binge food.
Pancakes, oh how I crave thee. :/
Dude, I'm like off my rocker.
SRSLY, I'm the little old lady just chilling in her house, rocking on a chair, and then I just TOPPLE ON OVER.
Guess who doesn't have LifeAlert?
LITTLE OLD MEEEE!
I'm dead; beepbeepBEEEEEPPPPP.
Gone.
WhattheHell an ongoing on about?
I've been eating just fine, but I'm talking like a heffer.
When I'm home, food is all I can think about most of the time.
Cab I have that? NONONO, too many calories... What about this? Ughh.. No, too risky. Yeah, but THAT?! ...Binge starter, fersurely... YOURE FAT, UOU NEED TO GET OUT OF THE DAMN 150S ALREADY, YOU UGLY, HORRIBLE, BITCH OF A COW.
I don't deserve this... LOLOL, says who? You're only trying to get pity out of yourself so you can eat junk and then not feel guilty.
FYI: no matter how much you try to trick yourself, or say "oh, don't WORRY, it's not THAT MANY" you're only feeding the growing monster.
Dude, I'm disgusted...
Blahblahblah, I should stop now... But I don't want to do math. :/
Fuckmylife, I want pancakes.
...And I don't even want to re-read this, it's probably messed up fuck.
Sorry.
I was all GO-GO-GO on getting my English project when I got home.
Eh, I didn't do anything.
I'm thinking about doing my math now... But there's a substitute tomorrow, so I doubt we'll be turning anything in anyways.
I WANT PANCAKES, SO BAD.
Have I mentioned this before? Yeahuh, I think so, maybe...
OhmyFUCKINGlord; pancakespancakespancakes.
BUT, NAWT the ones from home.
I want Perkins-style perfection, crispy-lyke on the outside, mushy on the inside.
And holyfuck, blue berries, or banana...
Both? Shit.
...And I want the stuffed French toast that's on my TV [I'm a Food Network ADDICT].
Peanut butter and bananas on the inside.
Fuuuckkk; PB.
Shit, I'm crazy.
I love breakfast food, but I can't eat it.
...Except cereal, my normal and/or binge food.
Pancakes, oh how I crave thee. :/
Dude, I'm like off my rocker.
SRSLY, I'm the little old lady just chilling in her house, rocking on a chair, and then I just TOPPLE ON OVER.
Guess who doesn't have LifeAlert?
LITTLE OLD MEEEE!
I'm dead; beepbeepBEEEEEPPPPP.
Gone.
WhattheHell an ongoing on about?
I've been eating just fine, but I'm talking like a heffer.
When I'm home, food is all I can think about most of the time.
Cab I have that? NONONO, too many calories... What about this? Ughh.. No, too risky. Yeah, but THAT?! ...Binge starter, fersurely... YOURE FAT, UOU NEED TO GET OUT OF THE DAMN 150S ALREADY, YOU UGLY, HORRIBLE, BITCH OF A COW.
I don't deserve this... LOLOL, says who? You're only trying to get pity out of yourself so you can eat junk and then not feel guilty.
FYI: no matter how much you try to trick yourself, or say "oh, don't WORRY, it's not THAT MANY" you're only feeding the growing monster.
Dude, I'm disgusted...
Blahblahblah, I should stop now... But I don't want to do math. :/
Fuckmylife, I want pancakes.
...And I don't even want to re-read this, it's probably messed up fuck.
Sorry.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Finishing things and SKINS.
Skins is starting SRSLY right now.
Awwwwwwyeahhhh.
So far, it is an exact copy of the English Skins -British? ;P
Except for a few things, like conveniently places window sills/mirror edges to ensure one hundred percent no showing of 'vile' places.
LOLOL.
But I don't even care, I love it already.
Tony and Stanley are gorgeous in opposite ways, and I'm so in love. xD
If ever swear word had to be BEEPed out, I'll go crazy.
High schoolers swear, it's just how we talk; like GAWD.
...I don't like Cady/Katie -dunno how the fuck it's spelled- as much as the girl from the other Skins.
I think she was about to kill a rabbit, or something like that...
Ohman, I think the dealer's name is Le Dong? xD
I will die every time I hear that, not kidding.
Ohyeah, Tony's voice is epic, and made me all aofieoakqmdjfijfopajwucycntnelz -lyke, y'know?
If somebody tried to smoke at my school in the bathroom, they'd be caught in, like, 3-2-1.
My friends used to outside though, I guess, until one of 'em got caught. xD
Oh, I finished my English thing today, sort of.
I want Jean to check it out, to make sure I got everything, then I just have to make the actual thing for my second book -which I read today, lyke a boss.
Uhm, today I ate an apple, three little pickles, and dinner -some mashed potatoes, corn, and half a breadstick.
I have to get to my goal next week, or I seriously don't know what I'll do.
Give up on everything, maybe.
Fuck, I hate commercials.
This'll no doubt be the last bit of Skins before it ends, and I want it to hurry upppp.
Then I'll wait in suspense for next Monday, sort of nawt really.
Wear.
Now I want to go on MTV.com, for something like a webisode, but I'm tired and have school tomorrow.
...And should set my alarm clock.
Fuuckkkk.
Laterz.
Awwwwwwyeahhhh.
So far, it is an exact copy of the English Skins -British? ;P
Except for a few things, like conveniently places window sills/mirror edges to ensure one hundred percent no showing of 'vile' places.
LOLOL.
But I don't even care, I love it already.
Tony and Stanley are gorgeous in opposite ways, and I'm so in love. xD
If ever swear word had to be BEEPed out, I'll go crazy.
High schoolers swear, it's just how we talk; like GAWD.
...I don't like Cady/Katie -dunno how the fuck it's spelled- as much as the girl from the other Skins.
I think she was about to kill a rabbit, or something like that...
Ohman, I think the dealer's name is Le Dong? xD
I will die every time I hear that, not kidding.
Ohyeah, Tony's voice is epic, and made me all aofieoakqmdjfijfopajwucycntnelz -lyke, y'know?
If somebody tried to smoke at my school in the bathroom, they'd be caught in, like, 3-2-1.
My friends used to outside though, I guess, until one of 'em got caught. xD
Oh, I finished my English thing today, sort of.
I want Jean to check it out, to make sure I got everything, then I just have to make the actual thing for my second book -which I read today, lyke a boss.
Uhm, today I ate an apple, three little pickles, and dinner -some mashed potatoes, corn, and half a breadstick.
I have to get to my goal next week, or I seriously don't know what I'll do.
Give up on everything, maybe.
Fuck, I hate commercials.
This'll no doubt be the last bit of Skins before it ends, and I want it to hurry upppp.
Then I'll wait in suspense for next Monday, sort of nawt really.
Wear.
Now I want to go on MTV.com, for something like a webisode, but I'm tired and have school tomorrow.
...And should set my alarm clock.
Fuuckkkk.
Laterz.
Epyck parties and MLK.
Tomorrow's Martin Luther King -Jr.?- Day, so I don't have school. Yayyy.
But I will either spend all of my time bitching and procrastinating, or bitching and working. Yayyyy, no.
Damn.
Skins is FINALLY premiering tomorrow. OMNOM. < 3
If it sucks, somebody will die; SRSLY.
And Degrassi is starting again in February; that better be gewd, too.
I love Clair, Eli, Alli, Riley, Zane, etc.. Much better than Emma; ugh, her and her attention whore-ness.
Um, yesterday was EPYCK. Lovelovelove.
The party was so fun, even though it's all a blur now -yes, we were all sober, JSYK.
But I definitely remember a lot of "RAPE!", surprise and/or butt secks, wrestling for my phone and getting elbowed in the face, hitting my head on concrete, actually listening when somebody told me to stay on the ground and using my foot to flick the light switch, getting dragged away from mentioned lightswitch, nearly getting dragged upstairs when I refused to go up myself because I refused to take pictures, "If I was a fork, I'd live... ON THE COUNTER!", "Oh, he already got me a Valentine's Day present..." "You're staying with him all the way until then?" "...I wasn't planning on it", "I can't eat that cookie! It has FAT in it, but I can eat pizza, ice cream, AND cake", retreating from cake fights, and blindly throwing cookies and water bottles at the 'Emo-corner' and hitting him in the balls.
Oh, and I traded my perfectly comfy chair for a chance to play with one of my friend's pocket knives, and then I got it taken away by somebody else, and we fought over it in the dark while she was holding the blade part.
Yeahhuh, fun times.
Oh, and [x2] I ran outside in the freezing cold, and it took me like an hour to be able to feel my legs again.
Ahahahha.
Then I came home, ate, slept, ate more, watched Seed of Chucky, and now I'm lying bed.
Probably gong to go to sleep. Blah.
I've got a bit of a head ache...
Not cool. :p
And I'm sore, which I'm LOVING for some fucked up reason.
I like knowing that I did something yesterday that obviously used muscle, because they feel used and abused now. < 3
Laterz.
But I will either spend all of my time bitching and procrastinating, or bitching and working. Yayyyy, no.
Damn.
Skins is FINALLY premiering tomorrow. OMNOM. < 3
If it sucks, somebody will die; SRSLY.
And Degrassi is starting again in February; that better be gewd, too.
I love Clair, Eli, Alli, Riley, Zane, etc.. Much better than Emma; ugh, her and her attention whore-ness.
Um, yesterday was EPYCK. Lovelovelove.
The party was so fun, even though it's all a blur now -yes, we were all sober, JSYK.
But I definitely remember a lot of "RAPE!", surprise and/or butt secks, wrestling for my phone and getting elbowed in the face, hitting my head on concrete, actually listening when somebody told me to stay on the ground and using my foot to flick the light switch, getting dragged away from mentioned lightswitch, nearly getting dragged upstairs when I refused to go up myself because I refused to take pictures, "If I was a fork, I'd live... ON THE COUNTER!", "Oh, he already got me a Valentine's Day present..." "You're staying with him all the way until then?" "...I wasn't planning on it", "I can't eat that cookie! It has FAT in it, but I can eat pizza, ice cream, AND cake", retreating from cake fights, and blindly throwing cookies and water bottles at the 'Emo-corner' and hitting him in the balls.
Oh, and I traded my perfectly comfy chair for a chance to play with one of my friend's pocket knives, and then I got it taken away by somebody else, and we fought over it in the dark while she was holding the blade part.
Yeahhuh, fun times.
Oh, and [x2] I ran outside in the freezing cold, and it took me like an hour to be able to feel my legs again.
Ahahahha.
Then I came home, ate, slept, ate more, watched Seed of Chucky, and now I'm lying bed.
Probably gong to go to sleep. Blah.
I've got a bit of a head ache...
Not cool. :p
And I'm sore, which I'm LOVING for some fucked up reason.
I like knowing that I did something yesterday that obviously used muscle, because they feel used and abused now. < 3
Laterz.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Ninjas and Rock Band.
I'm being such a ninja right now. xD
Secret blogging. :3
Super fast secret blogging...
So many calories, three pops and snacks.
Could've been worse, and I ran outside and I froze;
Being cold burns calories, yeah? Yeah. :)
This night has been so fun, best in a while.
Most def. < 3
I found out I can play drums on Rock Band, mostly on easy but still. :D
I'm starting to get tired, but I'm always last to sleep. :p
My head hurts. I got beat today, and had to wrestle for my phone. D;
I hit my head so many times, on cement and by other people. D:
GOTTA GO. Hopefully watching Grown Ups or whatever.
Laterz.
Secret blogging. :3
Super fast secret blogging...
So many calories, three pops and snacks.
Could've been worse, and I ran outside and I froze;
Being cold burns calories, yeah? Yeah. :)
This night has been so fun, best in a while.
Most def. < 3
I found out I can play drums on Rock Band, mostly on easy but still. :D
I'm starting to get tired, but I'm always last to sleep. :p
My head hurts. I got beat today, and had to wrestle for my phone. D;
I hit my head so many times, on cement and by other people. D:
GOTTA GO. Hopefully watching Grown Ups or whatever.
Laterz.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Contemplation and Internet friends.
I have lots of 'Internet friends'.
Okay, maybe not lots, but quite a few.
That sounds totally lame -because I'm not talking about people on, like, PT or here or something-, but I'm not going to go into the story.
Anyways, sometimes I feel like even on the Internet I'm ignored.
Even on here I'm just the friend that people need sometimes, or that is there when they're bored, and can make people laugh or bitch people out -which usually makes them laugh, too?
Yeah, like, right now I'm thinking about talking to one of them about my, ah, 'problems'.
Mostly about the mental breakdown I had a few days ago, because him and I had a discussion about bottling things up;
My bottles break sometimes, and they shatter and it hurts.
But now he's not talking back to me, and it's actually making me sort of sad?
Mostly because this kid apparently 'liked' me for some amount of time, and apparently still does sometimes.
But he's dating -over the internet- another girl we're both friends with.
I almost thought about telling her about how her boyfriend supposedly still digs me sometimes, but I didn't.
I like her, and I don't want her to get pissed at me.
Haha, it's like I live a completely different life on the Internet.
I sort of do, multiple actually.
It sucks, it's hard to do all of this, but I'm not stopping now.
OMJ, beep-y noise.
It wasn't him. UGH.
I'm thinking about being an attention whore, and just totally seeing what'll happen if I do the rhetorical question thing.
But I'll be lying.
Fuck.
IdonthaveanEd;Idon'thaveanED;Idon'thaveanED.
Can you read that?
Yeah, if I just keep telling myself that, I'll believe it eventually.
And then I won't be pathetic and do this.
Shitshitshit.
Fuck, I think I'll talk to him about it; I'll just emphasize 'developing'.
Mhm.
I'm scared.
:/
And tired.
I probably won't blog tomorrow, 'cause of the birthday party thing.
Oh, the guy that I was hoping would go isn't going.
And he pretty much blew me off today, when I asked.
I hate him, I hate being confused and curious.
I hate feelings.
Bed time, sort of.
Laterz.
Okay, maybe not lots, but quite a few.
That sounds totally lame -because I'm not talking about people on, like, PT or here or something-, but I'm not going to go into the story.
Anyways, sometimes I feel like even on the Internet I'm ignored.
Even on here I'm just the friend that people need sometimes, or that is there when they're bored, and can make people laugh or bitch people out -which usually makes them laugh, too?
Yeah, like, right now I'm thinking about talking to one of them about my, ah, 'problems'.
Mostly about the mental breakdown I had a few days ago, because him and I had a discussion about bottling things up;
My bottles break sometimes, and they shatter and it hurts.
But now he's not talking back to me, and it's actually making me sort of sad?
Mostly because this kid apparently 'liked' me for some amount of time, and apparently still does sometimes.
But he's dating -over the internet- another girl we're both friends with.
I almost thought about telling her about how her boyfriend supposedly still digs me sometimes, but I didn't.
I like her, and I don't want her to get pissed at me.
Haha, it's like I live a completely different life on the Internet.
I sort of do, multiple actually.
It sucks, it's hard to do all of this, but I'm not stopping now.
OMJ, beep-y noise.
It wasn't him. UGH.
I'm thinking about being an attention whore, and just totally seeing what'll happen if I do the rhetorical question thing.
But I'll be lying.
Fuck.
IdonthaveanEd;Idon'thaveanED;Idon'thaveanED.
Can you read that?
Yeah, if I just keep telling myself that, I'll believe it eventually.
And then I won't be pathetic and do this.
Shitshitshit.
Fuck, I think I'll talk to him about it; I'll just emphasize 'developing'.
Mhm.
I'm scared.
:/
And tired.
I probably won't blog tomorrow, 'cause of the birthday party thing.
Oh, the guy that I was hoping would go isn't going.
And he pretty much blew me off today, when I asked.
I hate him, I hate being confused and curious.
I hate feelings.
Bed time, sort of.
Laterz.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Periods and racing thoughts.
I fucking got my period today.
I'm so damn pissed.
I feel gross, disgusting, and like I need to shower.
Ughughugh.
And I feel like I'm going to throw up.
My head is so full of thoughts that I feel like I might explode.
Everything I do has so much thought put into it, it sucks.
Like tomorrow, I dunno if I'll decide that I'm not going to the party this weekend;
Or if I'll have to ask who I'm going with if they'll stash some tampons in their bag for me, since I don't bring bags or anything to sleep overs.
And today my neighbor was being a bitch;
I thought it was just because this morning she had a friend in the car too, so she had to act bad ass or whatever.
But no, she seriously got pissed off that I wouldn't scrape the ice off her damn windshield before we went to school, AFTER she'd already driven to my house.
She seriously thinks that I'm so willing to just do whatever the fuck she says that she actually got SO PISSED when I said no.
It's her damn car, I don't care I'd she fives menrides in it;
Me and my friend have paid her for gas, and I paid for one third of the damn parking pass at school, AND I help her with her homework ALL THE FUCKING TIME -she's older than me!
All she does is hitch and crab.
I get why she does about Deli and Dam, 'cause they're damn annoying to have in a car, but she doesn't have to yell at ME about it.
I've told themthat she hates them, they don't listen to me.
If she doesn't want to five both of them rides after school, SHE SHOULD FUCKING TELL THEM.
If she's still mad at me tomorrow, I'll get mad at her.
Who cares if she scrapes off her car in the morning, even if it is every morning?
If she was damn smart she'd go and start it earlier; THAT'S WHAT I WOULD DO.
I WOULDN'T YELL AT MY NEIGHBOR TO GO AND SCRAPE IT OFF AFTER I'D ALREADY DRCEN TO HER HOUSE AND THEN JUST SIT THERE LIKE A BITCH WHEN THEY SAID JO.
Holy shot, I don't even know why this is bothering me.
Probably because after school she was still hitching.
It snowed, so when we were leaving I was going to help her wipe off some of the snow. Dan and Deli slammed their door, which got that snow off,'so I slammed mine, and I had a glove so I put it on and was going to help.
But she flips out and is like:
"DON'T EVEN TRY TO HELP. IM STILL PISSED THAT YOU WOULDN'T SCRAPE OFF THE WINDSHIELD THIS MORNING AND THAT THEY'RE HERE."
I seriously just did this "O__o".
Seriously, I actually do a lot for her and she doesnt even acknowledge it.
Homework, money, inviting MY friend over so she can can help HER, helping HER myself with writing, actually WRITING some of her stuff formschool.
What does she do?
Give menrides. To school, and sometimes to get Jean -which is usually for her benefit anyways.
God.
/Rant.
I still have to take my make up off.
I'm somlazy now, and thirsty.
And pissed.
Megamegamega pissed.
Being a girl fucking sucks, stupid shit-head puberty.
Tomorrow's going to suck, I just know it.
And I don't even feel like re-reading this for mistakes. Whatever.
I'm so damn pissed.
I feel gross, disgusting, and like I need to shower.
Ughughugh.
And I feel like I'm going to throw up.
My head is so full of thoughts that I feel like I might explode.
Everything I do has so much thought put into it, it sucks.
Like tomorrow, I dunno if I'll decide that I'm not going to the party this weekend;
Or if I'll have to ask who I'm going with if they'll stash some tampons in their bag for me, since I don't bring bags or anything to sleep overs.
And today my neighbor was being a bitch;
I thought it was just because this morning she had a friend in the car too, so she had to act bad ass or whatever.
But no, she seriously got pissed off that I wouldn't scrape the ice off her damn windshield before we went to school, AFTER she'd already driven to my house.
She seriously thinks that I'm so willing to just do whatever the fuck she says that she actually got SO PISSED when I said no.
It's her damn car, I don't care I'd she fives menrides in it;
Me and my friend have paid her for gas, and I paid for one third of the damn parking pass at school, AND I help her with her homework ALL THE FUCKING TIME -she's older than me!
All she does is hitch and crab.
I get why she does about Deli and Dam, 'cause they're damn annoying to have in a car, but she doesn't have to yell at ME about it.
I've told themthat she hates them, they don't listen to me.
If she doesn't want to five both of them rides after school, SHE SHOULD FUCKING TELL THEM.
If she's still mad at me tomorrow, I'll get mad at her.
Who cares if she scrapes off her car in the morning, even if it is every morning?
If she was damn smart she'd go and start it earlier; THAT'S WHAT I WOULD DO.
I WOULDN'T YELL AT MY NEIGHBOR TO GO AND SCRAPE IT OFF AFTER I'D ALREADY DRCEN TO HER HOUSE AND THEN JUST SIT THERE LIKE A BITCH WHEN THEY SAID JO.
Holy shot, I don't even know why this is bothering me.
Probably because after school she was still hitching.
It snowed, so when we were leaving I was going to help her wipe off some of the snow. Dan and Deli slammed their door, which got that snow off,'so I slammed mine, and I had a glove so I put it on and was going to help.
But she flips out and is like:
"DON'T EVEN TRY TO HELP. IM STILL PISSED THAT YOU WOULDN'T SCRAPE OFF THE WINDSHIELD THIS MORNING AND THAT THEY'RE HERE."
I seriously just did this "O__o".
Seriously, I actually do a lot for her and she doesnt even acknowledge it.
Homework, money, inviting MY friend over so she can can help HER, helping HER myself with writing, actually WRITING some of her stuff formschool.
What does she do?
Give menrides. To school, and sometimes to get Jean -which is usually for her benefit anyways.
God.
/Rant.
I still have to take my make up off.
I'm somlazy now, and thirsty.
And pissed.
Megamegamega pissed.
Being a girl fucking sucks, stupid shit-head puberty.
Tomorrow's going to suck, I just know it.
And I don't even feel like re-reading this for mistakes. Whatever.
The Simpsons and Dairy Queen.
I've never been able to watch The Simpsons, it was always too boring and blahblahblah.
I'm watching it now though, and it's sort of okay.
Homer's annoying, but this one's mostly about the kids I guess.
I've already had more than my day's worth of calories.
And I've exercised -minus the push ups, but plus walking/jogging up and down the hallway.
Got a free app that counts steps and supposedly counts calories.
1028 steps, 57.9 calories.
Fuckthat.
My brother had to go to the doctor today, to get shots and his 'ten year check-up' or something.
They're stopping for DQ on the way back.
I asked for an M&M blizzard, fries, and ranch.
There's 835 calories in the blizzard, I think 35 in the ranch -or else it's 310?!-, and 306 in the fries.
Whatthefuck.
Either 1176 or 1451.
That's, like, 3x my limit.
Well, I'll see what happens when they got home.
Ugh.
I'm getting excited for the weekend, I'm hoping I won't ever have to eat, pretty much.
The joys of being vegetarian and going to birthday parties.
Laterz.
I'm watching it now though, and it's sort of okay.
Homer's annoying, but this one's mostly about the kids I guess.
I've already had more than my day's worth of calories.
And I've exercised -minus the push ups, but plus walking/jogging up and down the hallway.
Got a free app that counts steps and supposedly counts calories.
1028 steps, 57.9 calories.
Fuckthat.
My brother had to go to the doctor today, to get shots and his 'ten year check-up' or something.
They're stopping for DQ on the way back.
I asked for an M&M blizzard, fries, and ranch.
There's 835 calories in the blizzard, I think 35 in the ranch -or else it's 310?!-, and 306 in the fries.
Whatthefuck.
Either 1176 or 1451.
That's, like, 3x my limit.
Well, I'll see what happens when they got home.
Ugh.
I'm getting excited for the weekend, I'm hoping I won't ever have to eat, pretty much.
The joys of being vegetarian and going to birthday parties.
Laterz.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Birthdays and hate.
I'm actually starting to get annoyed with myself.
Why do I have to dislike myself so strongly?
Yuck, I suck.
Less than 1,000 calories today.
I'm not as excited or proud as I should be.
I broke and got on the scale this morning;
I had to get my sweatshirt and couldn't resist.
Tomorrow is one of my sort-of-not-really-friend's birthdays.
She's going to be sixteen, yay.
She 'forgot' to invite me to her party until I bitched -not really bitched, more like mentioned- that I hadn't been invited to another friend.
That friend texted her and then I got a notification on my phone: New event invite on FaceBook.
I Dort of wished I'd just stayed quiet, 'cause I don't know if I want to go anymore.
Parties == food and being social.
That combination doesn't sound fun.
But I know I might have fun if I go, and I miss being able to just go places and not be so self-conscious.
There's going to be boys there too, including one of my exes that I havent talked to pretty much since I broke up with him and now has a 'thing' with the whore of our grade -that I HATE.
he denies stuff with her whenever I ask, and everyone else I ask just says "Well, I DUNNO."
I like knowing things, and those people are NO HELP.
Nobody knows that I'm really asking 'cause I'm pissed that I broke things off with him so damn early.
Yeah, he was clingy and immature, but all boys are. And he was MICE and FUN when it was just us in a small group.
I shouldn't done more, but then there was also the fact that I feel grotesque around him.
He's a naturally skinny guy, like perfect-sort-of.
And I'm fat.
We don't match.
Fuck.
I'm cold.
My arm is still sore, and I swear my weak-hours of crying yesterday made it so I would feel even worse today.
My eyes had that burn-y feeling that they get when I want/need sleep, and my head started to hurt SO BAD after school.
I got my mom to give me meds.
It's better now, but I'm still tired.
And lazy.
I barely managed to do a small portion of my homework, and I haven't done any sort of exercise since last week.
I suck. [x2]
Yuh.
I'mma finish watchin' this show, and then try to sleep.
Laterzzzz.
Why do I have to dislike myself so strongly?
Yuck, I suck.
Less than 1,000 calories today.
I'm not as excited or proud as I should be.
I broke and got on the scale this morning;
I had to get my sweatshirt and couldn't resist.
Tomorrow is one of my sort-of-not-really-friend's birthdays.
She's going to be sixteen, yay.
She 'forgot' to invite me to her party until I bitched -not really bitched, more like mentioned- that I hadn't been invited to another friend.
That friend texted her and then I got a notification on my phone: New event invite on FaceBook.
I Dort of wished I'd just stayed quiet, 'cause I don't know if I want to go anymore.
Parties == food and being social.
That combination doesn't sound fun.
But I know I might have fun if I go, and I miss being able to just go places and not be so self-conscious.
There's going to be boys there too, including one of my exes that I havent talked to pretty much since I broke up with him and now has a 'thing' with the whore of our grade -that I HATE.
he denies stuff with her whenever I ask, and everyone else I ask just says "Well, I DUNNO."
I like knowing things, and those people are NO HELP.
Nobody knows that I'm really asking 'cause I'm pissed that I broke things off with him so damn early.
Yeah, he was clingy and immature, but all boys are. And he was MICE and FUN when it was just us in a small group.
I shouldn't done more, but then there was also the fact that I feel grotesque around him.
He's a naturally skinny guy, like perfect-sort-of.
And I'm fat.
We don't match.
Fuck.
I'm cold.
My arm is still sore, and I swear my weak-hours of crying yesterday made it so I would feel even worse today.
My eyes had that burn-y feeling that they get when I want/need sleep, and my head started to hurt SO BAD after school.
I got my mom to give me meds.
It's better now, but I'm still tired.
And lazy.
I barely managed to do a small portion of my homework, and I haven't done any sort of exercise since last week.
I suck. [x2]
Yuh.
I'mma finish watchin' this show, and then try to sleep.
Laterzzzz.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Crying and sleeping.
I broke down today.
I ate, which isn't exactly surprising.
And I cried.
A lot.
I feel dehydrated, and so thirsty, but I don't want to leave my room.
I don't feel like I can face my parents right now, or anyone.
I'm not supposed to cry, I didn't even want to.
My parents will make fun of me; once a crybaby, always a crybaby.
My arm still hurts from my shots, and from the weird positions I had to force myself to sleep in.
I'm not weighing myself until Monday, and I'm starting to get paranoid.
But that's sort of the whole point.
Yeah.
Laterz
P.S: sixbillionsecrets.com
That's what initially made me start crying, jsyk.
I ate, which isn't exactly surprising.
And I cried.
A lot.
I feel dehydrated, and so thirsty, but I don't want to leave my room.
I don't feel like I can face my parents right now, or anyone.
I'm not supposed to cry, I didn't even want to.
My parents will make fun of me; once a crybaby, always a crybaby.
My arm still hurts from my shots, and from the weird positions I had to force myself to sleep in.
I'm not weighing myself until Monday, and I'm starting to get paranoid.
But that's sort of the whole point.
Yeah.
Laterz
P.S: sixbillionsecrets.com
That's what initially made me start crying, jsyk.
Monday, January 10, 2011
163.6 and deer.
That's what the doctor's scale said.
It was mortifying.
And I just hit a deer in my mom's car.
:/
It was mortifying.
And I just hit a deer in my mom's car.
:/
Doctors and cars.
I'm in the car with my mom on the way to the doctors right now.
I'm already regretting even saying I need to go to the doctor.
But fuck, my eyes look like Hell.
They look better now than they did this morning though...
Huh, I wonder if the doctor guy will think we're dumbasses for rushing to the doctor for something so stupid.
"OH, DOCTOR; my eyelids are dry and crackly!"
"Ever heard of lotion, dumbfuck?"
"It burns when I put lotion on it!"
"Then leave them alone! Holyshit."
LOL. What a lovely conversation.
....Do you have to stand on the scale every time you go to the doctor?
Shit.
I hate this, hate it hate it hate it.
I don't want a damn lecture about my damn weight.
I KNOW I'M FAT! YOU DON'T NEED TO TELL ME!
"...But, Mr. Doctor, did you know the only thing I've eaten so far today is a cookie and a half, that a friend gave me? And I felt DISGUSTING for an hour afterwards? And that's the only thing I plan on eating today."
So stuff that in your dumb face; I'M WORKING ON IT.
One day I'll be thin, maybe.
Suck on thaatttt.
Laterzzzz.
I'm already regretting even saying I need to go to the doctor.
But fuck, my eyes look like Hell.
They look better now than they did this morning though...
Huh, I wonder if the doctor guy will think we're dumbasses for rushing to the doctor for something so stupid.
"OH, DOCTOR; my eyelids are dry and crackly!"
"Ever heard of lotion, dumbfuck?"
"It burns when I put lotion on it!"
"Then leave them alone! Holyshit."
LOL. What a lovely conversation.
....Do you have to stand on the scale every time you go to the doctor?
Shit.
I hate this, hate it hate it hate it.
I don't want a damn lecture about my damn weight.
I KNOW I'M FAT! YOU DON'T NEED TO TELL ME!
"...But, Mr. Doctor, did you know the only thing I've eaten so far today is a cookie and a half, that a friend gave me? And I felt DISGUSTING for an hour afterwards? And that's the only thing I plan on eating today."
So stuff that in your dumb face; I'M WORKING ON IT.
One day I'll be thin, maybe.
Suck on thaatttt.
Laterzzzz.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Good smells and Algebra II.
Jean and my neighbor are over right now.
Huh, neighbor needs a name... Ann works.
Jean and Ann are over right now; Jean is helping Ann with homework, and I'm sitting doing this. xD
Jean has to go home soon, she didn't even get here until 5-ish because her parents were being dumb or something.
Blah. I'm tired.
I have to go to the doctor tomorrow, for my eyes.
The dry skin shit has gotten worse, and it's ugly.
I have grandmother eyes, yuckyuckyuck.
And I don't think I can wear eyeshadow, which I NEED.
I look even fugly-er without eyeshadow/eyeliner.
Fuck.
I'm wearing eyeliner tomorrow, I don't give a shit if it makes it worse.
Oh, I had a dream last night that I got extensions?
It was really messed up. xD
I sort of want extensions, I'm so over having short, thin hair.
But I bitch about extensions so much, because I hate fake things and stuff.
Blah.
Oh shit, gotta go drop Jean off.
Uhm, this weekend has been Hell with food, and I probably gained so much.
I guess I'll find out in the morning. :p
Laterzzzz.
Huh, neighbor needs a name... Ann works.
Jean and Ann are over right now; Jean is helping Ann with homework, and I'm sitting doing this. xD
Jean has to go home soon, she didn't even get here until 5-ish because her parents were being dumb or something.
Blah. I'm tired.
I have to go to the doctor tomorrow, for my eyes.
The dry skin shit has gotten worse, and it's ugly.
I have grandmother eyes, yuckyuckyuck.
And I don't think I can wear eyeshadow, which I NEED.
I look even fugly-er without eyeshadow/eyeliner.
Fuck.
I'm wearing eyeliner tomorrow, I don't give a shit if it makes it worse.
Oh, I had a dream last night that I got extensions?
It was really messed up. xD
I sort of want extensions, I'm so over having short, thin hair.
But I bitch about extensions so much, because I hate fake things and stuff.
Blah.
Oh shit, gotta go drop Jean off.
Uhm, this weekend has been Hell with food, and I probably gained so much.
I guess I'll find out in the morning. :p
Laterzzzz.
True Life and basketball.
I'm having an allergic reaction, I think.
My eyelids and a bit under my eyes are, like, dry or something.
They're sort of red, and earlier they felt tight and stretched.
I dunno how to explain it.
And I can't put lotion or anything on them, because that makes them burn.
Even my damn eyeshadow primer made it burn.
Ouchouchouch.
So I didn't wear makeup today, but all I did was go and watch my brother's basketball game.
Jean ran the clock, I kept the book.
Jean accidentally put two points on the wrong team, and accidentally unplugged the scoreboard at halftime.
It was embarrassing 'cause everyone was half staring/half glaring at us, but it was also a bit funny.
I have two chapters left on Madame Bovary, and then I just have to make this thing that doesn't sound too hard...
Well, SparkNotes will make it not hard. :P
I'm bored.
And not really tired...
I'm watching True Life: I'm Addicted To Porn.
This one dude is losing his family because of porn and masturbating, and I don't get it.
Apparently, to them watching porn is like doing drugs?
Yeah, but there's this one girl who has boobs, and I'm jealoussss.
If I had boobs, I'd look less fat... I think.
Or I'd at least look 'better'. :/
And there's this other guy, who is so NOT attractive, but I lovelovelovelove his voice?
Idfk, I've got weird attractions.
And he has a lip ring, and tattoos.
And has a friend who works at a tattoo shop.
Mmmm.
LOLOL. He just burned all of his porn, and some guy came up and was like: "WTF are you doing?"
He was just like: "I'm burning all my pornography."
Huh, apparently the random guy was his dad? "Oh, I thought you were doing something stupid out here..."
AH, COMMERCIAL FOR SKINS.
Which I just realized is premiering next Monday, not the Monday after tomorrow. D:
I'm rambling, about nothing.
Blah.
I have to pissss.
TMI? Eh.
Don't think I've lost any weight today.
Nope, definitely not.
Don't know what I weigh, and I'm not too keen on looking.
I probably will, now that I've put the idea into my head.
Ah, fuck. I'm going to do it, even though I don't want to go down to the basement.
It's cold down there...
One second.
I just booked so much ass. Like,
161.5
I'm so envious of this girl right now. Like, fuck; I'd kill to look like her, and have her confidence.
Want to know a secret?
...I've always had a weird attraction to modeling, and I sort of want to model.
I know it won't happen, but it would be fun.
And I'd do shit tons better than the girls on America's Next Top Model.
And plus, models are always thin, and they're always busy...
No time for food, when you're gorgeous and skinny.
Do busy and skinny rhyme?
Ha. I swear that was unintentional.
xD
Laterzzzzz.
My eyelids and a bit under my eyes are, like, dry or something.
They're sort of red, and earlier they felt tight and stretched.
I dunno how to explain it.
And I can't put lotion or anything on them, because that makes them burn.
Even my damn eyeshadow primer made it burn.
Ouchouchouch.
So I didn't wear makeup today, but all I did was go and watch my brother's basketball game.
Jean ran the clock, I kept the book.
Jean accidentally put two points on the wrong team, and accidentally unplugged the scoreboard at halftime.
It was embarrassing 'cause everyone was half staring/half glaring at us, but it was also a bit funny.
I have two chapters left on Madame Bovary, and then I just have to make this thing that doesn't sound too hard...
Well, SparkNotes will make it not hard. :P
I'm bored.
And not really tired...
I'm watching True Life: I'm Addicted To Porn.
This one dude is losing his family because of porn and masturbating, and I don't get it.
Apparently, to them watching porn is like doing drugs?
Yeah, but there's this one girl who has boobs, and I'm jealoussss.
If I had boobs, I'd look less fat... I think.
Or I'd at least look 'better'. :/
And there's this other guy, who is so NOT attractive, but I lovelovelovelove his voice?
Idfk, I've got weird attractions.
And he has a lip ring, and tattoos.
And has a friend who works at a tattoo shop.
Mmmm.
LOLOL. He just burned all of his porn, and some guy came up and was like: "WTF are you doing?"
He was just like: "I'm burning all my pornography."
Huh, apparently the random guy was his dad? "Oh, I thought you were doing something stupid out here..."
AH, COMMERCIAL FOR SKINS.
Which I just realized is premiering next Monday, not the Monday after tomorrow. D:
I'm rambling, about nothing.
Blah.
I have to pissss.
TMI? Eh.
Don't think I've lost any weight today.
Nope, definitely not.
Don't know what I weigh, and I'm not too keen on looking.
I probably will, now that I've put the idea into my head.
Ah, fuck. I'm going to do it, even though I don't want to go down to the basement.
It's cold down there...
One second.
I just booked so much ass. Like,
161.5
I'm so envious of this girl right now. Like, fuck; I'd kill to look like her, and have her confidence.
Want to know a secret?
...I've always had a weird attraction to modeling, and I sort of want to model.
I know it won't happen, but it would be fun.
And I'd do shit tons better than the girls on America's Next Top Model.
And plus, models are always thin, and they're always busy...
No time for food, when you're gorgeous and skinny.
Do busy and skinny rhyme?
Ha. I swear that was unintentional.
xD
Laterzzzzz.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Days and months.
My day has consisted of eating, and gaining.
If the scale is true, two pounds today.
I was already up two pounds from yesterday this morning.
That dumb, fuck everything - I don't care mood is back.
I want to destroy something, like seriously smash it to pieces.
I don't feel like exercising because I know, by this time, it's hopeless anyways.
It won't magically make me get to my goal on Monday.
Not even fasting all weekend could do that, and I wouldn't be able to fast all weekend anyways.
I'm so over this shit.
I'm so over myself.
The cherry on fucking top is that my eyelids and under my eyes are dry from makeup and make up remover, and putting lotion stuff on it makes it burn.
And I can't just hang out in my room tomorrow, I have to go to my brother's fucking basketball game.
And I have to do homework.
Kill. Me. Now.
If the scale is true, two pounds today.
I was already up two pounds from yesterday this morning.
That dumb, fuck everything - I don't care mood is back.
I want to destroy something, like seriously smash it to pieces.
I don't feel like exercising because I know, by this time, it's hopeless anyways.
It won't magically make me get to my goal on Monday.
Not even fasting all weekend could do that, and I wouldn't be able to fast all weekend anyways.
I'm so over this shit.
I'm so over myself.
The cherry on fucking top is that my eyelids and under my eyes are dry from makeup and make up remover, and putting lotion stuff on it makes it burn.
And I can't just hang out in my room tomorrow, I have to go to my brother's fucking basketball game.
And I have to do homework.
Kill. Me. Now.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Old friends and old times.
Deli is over. :D
First time we've hung out in FOREVER.
I didn't realize before how much I actually missed her.
But everything we've done since we've been together has involved smokes, food, or the Internet.
It sucks, today I was going to fast from noon until tomorrow, but it didn't quite work.
Probably definitely over my calorie limit. :/
And I'm about to go make us dinner -and show her my new favorite vegetarian meal.
(It's only 155 calories, or something like that, but I don't know if I'll tell her that.)
I'll probably have to, because she'll ask why I'm not using a bun or bread. :P
Too many extra calories in those. Yech.
But what's really bugging me about today is that I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY how many CALORIES I've had.
SO, yeah;
Calories- No idea, probably near or over 1,000. Hullo binge day.
Exercise- Nope, I'm too damn tired. I'll deal with it later.
Chewed&spit- I wish.
Weight- 160.5 I'm so fat, fucking huge;
I want to sleep forever.
Edited...
Laterzzzzz.
First time we've hung out in FOREVER.
I didn't realize before how much I actually missed her.
But everything we've done since we've been together has involved smokes, food, or the Internet.
It sucks, today I was going to fast from noon until tomorrow, but it didn't quite work.
Probably definitely over my calorie limit. :/
And I'm about to go make us dinner -and show her my new favorite vegetarian meal.
(It's only 155 calories, or something like that, but I don't know if I'll tell her that.)
I'll probably have to, because she'll ask why I'm not using a bun or bread. :P
Too many extra calories in those. Yech.
But what's really bugging me about today is that I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY how many CALORIES I've had.
SO, yeah;
Calories- No idea, probably near or over 1,000. Hullo binge day.
Exercise- Nope, I'm too damn tired. I'll deal with it later.
Chewed&spit- I wish.
Weight- 160.5 I'm so fat, fucking huge;
I want to sleep forever.
Edited...
Laterzzzzz.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Razors and zits.
Zits are like the fucking plague, I hate them so much.
I had what I thought was a zit on my chest -nasty, right?- but it was being such a pain in my ass that I got one of my old razors and cut it open.
It bled, and it was damn annoying.
It still sort of hurts.
I did the same thing to two on my face, it worked on one but I ended up just giving myself a scratch on my nose.
Yeah, that one bled, too.
I hate breaking out, I hate being a teenager.
Just one can drive me fucking crazy;
My face has to be 100% clear 100% of the time. Period.
Anyways;
Calories- 320, about.
Exercise- done.
Chewed&Spit- mhm.
Weight- 158.5.
FML.
Laterzzzzz.
I had what I thought was a zit on my chest -nasty, right?- but it was being such a pain in my ass that I got one of my old razors and cut it open.
It bled, and it was damn annoying.
It still sort of hurts.
I did the same thing to two on my face, it worked on one but I ended up just giving myself a scratch on my nose.
Yeah, that one bled, too.
I hate breaking out, I hate being a teenager.
Just one can drive me fucking crazy;
My face has to be 100% clear 100% of the time. Period.
Anyways;
Calories- 320, about.
Exercise- done.
Chewed&Spit- mhm.
Weight- 158.5.
FML.
Laterzzzzz.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Pruney toes and cold water.
I took a bath today.
Yeah, fucking seriously; a bath.
Sounds dumb, but it was sort of okay.
I read, and was actually able to focus on what I was seeing.
I'm so close to being done with Madame Bovary, and then I'm hoping that Jean and I can find a book together, so I don't have to do this alone again.
Uhm, I went over my limit again today, probably be a few hundred, but I don't think I got to 1,000.
And I feel like shit because I can't do sit-ups anymore, I got fucking rug burn yesterday.
Not joking, it's on my lower back, and it hurts.
I tried to do it anyways, but I couldn't get past, like, seventeen or something.
So I tried doing these other things, but I don't knowwww. :/
It sucks.
I'm doing more push ups and finishing my leg lifts, then I've got this need to weigh myself.
Just to see how much damage there's probably been.
I wouldn't be surprised if I woke up at 160 or higher tomorrow.
I'm in a negative mood, if you can't tell.
@Thinlypure;
Oh damn, that's not good. xD
I share my locker with two other people, so if I forget one of them can open it.
Thanks, I know if I actually follow it I'll make progress, but I've got cravings this week.
Imthink it's school. :P
No, I haven't read the books, and now I want to! :3
Ugh, I need to blow dry my hair, or it'll be shit in the morning.
Blah.
Laterzzzzz.
Yeah, fucking seriously; a bath.
Sounds dumb, but it was sort of okay.
I read, and was actually able to focus on what I was seeing.
I'm so close to being done with Madame Bovary, and then I'm hoping that Jean and I can find a book together, so I don't have to do this alone again.
Uhm, I went over my limit again today, probably be a few hundred, but I don't think I got to 1,000.
And I feel like shit because I can't do sit-ups anymore, I got fucking rug burn yesterday.
Not joking, it's on my lower back, and it hurts.
I tried to do it anyways, but I couldn't get past, like, seventeen or something.
So I tried doing these other things, but I don't knowwww. :/
It sucks.
I'm doing more push ups and finishing my leg lifts, then I've got this need to weigh myself.
Just to see how much damage there's probably been.
I wouldn't be surprised if I woke up at 160 or higher tomorrow.
I'm in a negative mood, if you can't tell.
@Thinlypure;
Oh damn, that's not good. xD
I share my locker with two other people, so if I forget one of them can open it.
Thanks, I know if I actually follow it I'll make progress, but I've got cravings this week.
Imthink it's school. :P
No, I haven't read the books, and now I want to! :3
Ugh, I need to blow dry my hair, or it'll be shit in the morning.
Blah.
Laterzzzzz.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Planners and schedules.
School was boring, but went by sort of fast-ish.
Guess it's to be expected since it was a late start.
Late starts mess up the schedule;
1st hour, 2nd hour, 4th hour, C lunch, 5th hour, 3rd hour, and then 6th hour.
You'd think after years of doing this I'd be used to it;
Nope, I got fucking confused about whether or not I was going to English after 5th hour.
I have English 6th hour. :/
I felt dumb.
And I finally put together a sort of 'plan'.
I brought home the planner I used to use in school, and decided I'm going to start keeping track of stuff -like food and calories and all that shitty stuff.
I've decided I'll fast whenever I feel like it -at least once a week-, but I'm not going to push to go more than one day at a time.
If I'm not fasting, I'll try to stay under 500 calories.
Any day I go over 1,000 calories is considered a "binge"/"fail" day.
I don't really have any sort of 'punishment' type thing in mind for fail days, only that the next day will probably be a fast.
Sugar-free gum, Propel packets -the little ones you put in water bottles, there's other types I just usually prefer Propel-, and chewing&spitting does not count, but I'm only able to have up to two packets a day.
I will onlynot do my "exercise" on days that I fast, but on days that I chew&spit I have to do about, like, half.
I do sit-ups in a pattern of 1, then 2, then 3, etc etc; until I get up to ten, and then I start at ten and go down.
Same with push ups, only I just go up to 5 and then back down.
Let lifts are the same as sit ups.
And on "fail" days, I have to -Ahm- "pace"?
Basically just walking circles in my room, or jogging in place, for at least 5 minutes -pacing is actually more like half an hour, with high-knees for 20 minutes.
Jesus, this all sounds so damn complicated, but it's not;
I've already been doing it I guess, I've just never written it down.
And putting it here is just helping to solidify it to myself.
I like having plans, and I don't know how i got along for so long without one.
Ohright, I was doing a shitty job before.
Anyways;
Today isn't a binge yet, but I'm not sure if it's passed.
I think right now it has, but I've got a HUGE craving for frosting, and I think we have some...
I'm waiting for my mom and brother to leave for his basketball practice before I go look.
And if I'm lucky -or really unlucky I suppose-, I'll have a container of frosting to eat while watching Pretty Little Liars.
Then I'll do more exercise, and read two chapters of Madame Bovary, and then sleep.
@Thinlypure;
Ohmugod, I didn't even think about ants! xD
It was all cool though, but I did forget to toss it again. Hahaha. Fail. :)
Thank you! :D
Dunno if I'm actually out for real though, not after today. xD
Today feels like an experiment, to see if I should lower or possibly higher my set intake;
It'll probably end up needing to be lowered. Blah. :P
Anyways, hope your doing good, even though lame school's started again! < 3456789
Ohjeez;
Long post is boring.
Laterzzzzz.
Edit:
No frosting.
Ice cream instead, with caramel and chocolate sauces and ReddiWhip, probably.
IDC. I'm fucking craving something sweet and vanilla.
I should stop watching baking shows.
I'll regret this later, like tomorrow when I've gained an lb. :(
I hate when I plan binges, it makes me feel fucking stupid because I could just stop myself before I do it.
But I don't.
Oh damn, oh well.
Guess it's to be expected since it was a late start.
Late starts mess up the schedule;
1st hour, 2nd hour, 4th hour, C lunch, 5th hour, 3rd hour, and then 6th hour.
You'd think after years of doing this I'd be used to it;
Nope, I got fucking confused about whether or not I was going to English after 5th hour.
I have English 6th hour. :/
I felt dumb.
And I finally put together a sort of 'plan'.
I brought home the planner I used to use in school, and decided I'm going to start keeping track of stuff -like food and calories and all that shitty stuff.
I've decided I'll fast whenever I feel like it -at least once a week-, but I'm not going to push to go more than one day at a time.
If I'm not fasting, I'll try to stay under 500 calories.
Any day I go over 1,000 calories is considered a "binge"/"fail" day.
I don't really have any sort of 'punishment' type thing in mind for fail days, only that the next day will probably be a fast.
Sugar-free gum, Propel packets -the little ones you put in water bottles, there's other types I just usually prefer Propel-, and chewing&spitting does not count, but I'm only able to have up to two packets a day.
I will onlynot do my "exercise" on days that I fast, but on days that I chew&spit I have to do about, like, half.
I do sit-ups in a pattern of 1, then 2, then 3, etc etc; until I get up to ten, and then I start at ten and go down.
Same with push ups, only I just go up to 5 and then back down.
Let lifts are the same as sit ups.
And on "fail" days, I have to -Ahm- "pace"?
Basically just walking circles in my room, or jogging in place, for at least 5 minutes -pacing is actually more like half an hour, with high-knees for 20 minutes.
Jesus, this all sounds so damn complicated, but it's not;
I've already been doing it I guess, I've just never written it down.
And putting it here is just helping to solidify it to myself.
I like having plans, and I don't know how i got along for so long without one.
Ohright, I was doing a shitty job before.
Anyways;
Today isn't a binge yet, but I'm not sure if it's passed.
I think right now it has, but I've got a HUGE craving for frosting, and I think we have some...
I'm waiting for my mom and brother to leave for his basketball practice before I go look.
And if I'm lucky -or really unlucky I suppose-, I'll have a container of frosting to eat while watching Pretty Little Liars.
Then I'll do more exercise, and read two chapters of Madame Bovary, and then sleep.
@Thinlypure;
Ohmugod, I didn't even think about ants! xD
It was all cool though, but I did forget to toss it again. Hahaha. Fail. :)
Thank you! :D
Dunno if I'm actually out for real though, not after today. xD
Today feels like an experiment, to see if I should lower or possibly higher my set intake;
It'll probably end up needing to be lowered. Blah. :P
Anyways, hope your doing good, even though lame school's started again! < 3456789
Ohjeez;
Long post is boring.
Laterzzzzz.
Edit:
No frosting.
Ice cream instead, with caramel and chocolate sauces and ReddiWhip, probably.
IDC. I'm fucking craving something sweet and vanilla.
I should stop watching baking shows.
I'll regret this later, like tomorrow when I've gained an lb. :(
I hate when I plan binges, it makes me feel fucking stupid because I could just stop myself before I do it.
But I don't.
Oh damn, oh well.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
9th birthdays and 40 + 1/2 hours.
I ate today, after going, like, 40 1/2 hours.
I guess I should count the mint last night, or the chocolates I had at around one;
But I don't feel like it.
Only reason I don't feel super bad about eating three HUGE pieces or veggie pizza and a piece of ice cream cake, is because it was my neighbor's birthday -and he's practically my little brother.
He's 9, we waited up until midnight last night for it to be today.
Oh, weighed for the first time in a while tonight:
159.5 lbs.
Shit. At least I'm out of the 160s though, and it'll hopefully stay that way.
I read a shit ton today; got to Part Three -not chapter, part- in Madame Bovary, and up to chapter nine in The Scarlet Letter.
Homework accomplished, for the most part.
I just need to get Madame Bovary done and over with, so I can do the dumb project and start my second book. :/
I go back to school tomorrow, if I hadn't made that clear;
2 hour late start, I get to wake up at 7:30 instead of 5:30.
I feel like I'm forgetting something or missing something though. Ugh.
And I left some candy canes and a 2-litre bottle of Mtn Dew in my locker for all of break...
I'm freaked that it, like, exploded or something? xD
...That would actually be realllyyy bad.
My phone's dying, and I don't know what else to say.
My feet are cold again, and so are some of my fingers.
I want to watch Family Guy, and stay up until 3a.m again.
I don't want to return to school.
I like chilling alone.
Sigh...
Laterzzzzz.
I guess I should count the mint last night, or the chocolates I had at around one;
But I don't feel like it.
Only reason I don't feel super bad about eating three HUGE pieces or veggie pizza and a piece of ice cream cake, is because it was my neighbor's birthday -and he's practically my little brother.
He's 9, we waited up until midnight last night for it to be today.
Oh, weighed for the first time in a while tonight:
159.5 lbs.
Shit. At least I'm out of the 160s though, and it'll hopefully stay that way.
I read a shit ton today; got to Part Three -not chapter, part- in Madame Bovary, and up to chapter nine in The Scarlet Letter.
Homework accomplished, for the most part.
I just need to get Madame Bovary done and over with, so I can do the dumb project and start my second book. :/
I go back to school tomorrow, if I hadn't made that clear;
2 hour late start, I get to wake up at 7:30 instead of 5:30.
I feel like I'm forgetting something or missing something though. Ugh.
And I left some candy canes and a 2-litre bottle of Mtn Dew in my locker for all of break...
I'm freaked that it, like, exploded or something? xD
...That would actually be realllyyy bad.
My phone's dying, and I don't know what else to say.
My feet are cold again, and so are some of my fingers.
I want to watch Family Guy, and stay up until 3a.m again.
I don't want to return to school.
I like chilling alone.
Sigh...
Laterzzzzz.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
2011.
OMJ, first blog post of the new year!
LOLOL... I'm not really that excited.
So far, this year is very uneventful.
Fell asleep at 3a.m, woke up at around 12:30p.m, read until, like, 4p.m...
Yeah, I've done nothing really.
Well, I guess reading 100-and something pages should make me feel accomplished, but it doesn't really.
My room is still messsyyyy -it's actually just my desk, but I want to vacuum and rearrange it, too- and I've got food still hidden in the Kohls bag under my bed.
Euw, that's really gross. :/
My feet are cold, and my house smells like tacos... or something.
Earlier it smelled like pizza...
Maybe I'm just imagining smells?
Ugh, it's raining...
First it snowed in November, and now it's raining in December/January.
Whatthefuck?
@heiscertainlyworthit;
I know in my posts, it sounds like I'm really hard on myself, but it doesn't really affect me at all.
Even though I yell at myself constantly, I still go and mess up again.
When will I learn? xD
Thanks though... < 3456789
Anyways, I need some socks.
Laterzzz.
LOLOL... I'm not really that excited.
So far, this year is very uneventful.
Fell asleep at 3a.m, woke up at around 12:30p.m, read until, like, 4p.m...
Yeah, I've done nothing really.
Well, I guess reading 100-and something pages should make me feel accomplished, but it doesn't really.
My room is still messsyyyy -it's actually just my desk, but I want to vacuum and rearrange it, too- and I've got food still hidden in the Kohls bag under my bed.
Euw, that's really gross. :/
My feet are cold, and my house smells like tacos... or something.
Earlier it smelled like pizza...
Maybe I'm just imagining smells?
Ugh, it's raining...
First it snowed in November, and now it's raining in December/January.
Whatthefuck?
@heiscertainlyworthit;
I know in my posts, it sounds like I'm really hard on myself, but it doesn't really affect me at all.
Even though I yell at myself constantly, I still go and mess up again.
When will I learn? xD
Thanks though... < 3456789
Anyways, I need some socks.
Laterzzz.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)