(Can You Feel My Heart -- Bring Me the Horizon)

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Ramblings and... more ramblings

Blogging is what I do when I don't know what to do.
Right now I'm so lost in my own head, I don't know what's up.
I *strongly dislike* these thoughts; the ones that just CONFUSE me, the ones I have to re-think.
It's bullshit, and I don't even know what they are, or else I'd put them here.
It's a lot about not being me, or not being here; not being, like, real?
Fuck load of wanker's shit, ifyougetwhatI'msayin'.

God, my fingers are ice.
And I need to cut my damn hairrr.
The bangs on the side is too long.
My mom's leaving, so I guess I can do it now...
Widijemaloxoenskso. :/

Oh, this sha'll be a long post; 
I'm typing it in the notes thingy on my phone, so whenever I feel like it I can just pop it open and have at it.
This way I don't have millions of posts for one day, because I couldn't find something better to do/I needed to put my shit somewhere else.

Ohmygosh, I have cravings, and I'm sort of hungry, but I don't feel like eating.
Not to mention it's only 2:45pm, and ruining my calorie count this earlier is just asking for disaster.
I think I'll go check the scale, to see if that's any 'motivation'.
...And I can put some pants on, 'cause my jeans are downstairs I think. xD
...I've lost my brother.
I don't think he went with my mom?
Uhhh... Shit?
...My puppy is snoring on the couch. :D
How cute. n.n
Well, nawt the snoring; just he looks like a little puppy when he sleeps, even though he's an old dog. :3
...I want Propel...
I'm going to watch a movie!
Uh, Tim Burton's Corpse Bride, Clue, The Skeleton Key, Pet Semetary, John Tucker Must Die, Jumper, WALL-E, Final Destination, The Devil Wears Prada, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Superstar, Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay, Meet the Fockers, Kung Fu Panda, or Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears A Who?
Holy fuck, I pile shit up on my DVR.
I hate making choices...
LOLOL, most of this stuff is way back from Halloween.
I love ABC Family's 13 Nights of Halloween, or whatever. :3
I'mma watch Clue;

OhmyGod; my teeth hurt like shit.
I'm wearing my retainer, after not wearing it for, like, ever.
Ughhhh, my bottom teeth are so fucked again.
I didn't think I'd have to deal with all this shit, AFTER having braces.

I'm thinking about going to the grocery store with my mom tomorrow...
Mostly because grocery shopping means walking -A LOT when it comes to going with my mom- and walking means burning calories.
The day after tomorrow is Monday, and I need to burn as much off as possible by then, so I'll be all good with my goal...
I'm hoping for lower actually, but I'm not getting my hopes up.
Ugh, food of any kind sounds good right now, but I can't.
I'll binge, or I just know I'll gain.
It's too late to be eating.
And my mom's here and I told her I wasn't hungry...
And I have to get through tomorrow.
Tomorrow is SUNDAY;
I actually want it to be Monday, I'm ready to be doing something again, instead of sitting around, thinking about food.
I *ALMOST* planned a binge, but then I forced myself to get distracted.
...The grocery store should be a good thing, as long as my mom doesn't try to turn it into some shopping trip.
I don't want to go look for a new coat;
Maybe when I loose 20 lbs, I can get a new coat.
And I did just fine with sweatshirts all the way up until now, so yeah.
Lay off.

....Um. Whatever my mom's eating -chili I think, with crackers :( - smells so good...
I want a cracker.
Nononononono. I CAN'T.

In the morning, I'll have cereal.
That's it, period.
NOTHING tonight.

...I don't fucking want water either, I'm getting so sick of my house's water, and I drank the last water from the garage today.
...How many calories are in Sunny D?
Too much.
I'll have some more Propel, I guess.
Crystal Light is so on the list for tomorrow.
Like, half the calories, and it's good.
Ugh. I feel like such a nutter...

YAY, comments. C:
I actually think your post is what made me think about it.
I mean, I've thought about it before, but the symptoms you posted just described me.
But then I think I'm only seeing these symptoms because I, like, want to or whatever.
I don't remember what that's called... But yeah. :X
I stayed up after that because I couldn't fall asleep, and it was an okay-shitty-fucking-boring day.
But at least I might be able to go to bed early tonight, and won't have to sit around doing nothing again like last night. :3

I think I also have an issue with diagnoses because I'm just in denial.
I want to be diagnosed because then it might prove that I've got problems, instead of just being messed the fuck up.
But then again, I CAN'T be diagnosed, because there's nothing wrong with me.
I'm dramatic, and I'm just whiny sometimes...
It's how I know I don't have an eating disorder, and whatever. :p :/
Oh, and I think the diagnosis for anorexia is bull shit.
I mean, you have to have every single thing, or else it's EDNOS?
Whatthefuck, it's like the people that make this up don't understand anything about people with eating disorders.
Thanks, same to you.

My teeth still fucking hurt.
OhmyGod, this has been a long weekend.
...OhmyGod,[x2] this is a long post.
Oh, I really hate commercials that say "ONLY ____ CALORIES! :D", even though it's always a FUCK LOAD of calories.
300-something for a breakfast sandwich? Are you kidding?
I need to chill;
I think I'm crabby from lack of sleep or something.
I dunno.

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