(Can You Feel My Heart -- Bring Me the Horizon)

Friday, January 14, 2011

Contemplation and Internet friends.

I have lots of 'Internet friends'.
Okay, maybe not lots, but quite a few.
That sounds totally lame -because I'm not talking about people on, like, PT or here or something-, but I'm not going to go into the story.
Anyways, sometimes I feel like even on the Internet I'm ignored.
Even on here I'm just the friend that people need sometimes, or that is there when they're bored, and can make people laugh or bitch people out -which usually makes them laugh, too?
Yeah, like, right now I'm thinking about talking to one of them about my, ah, 'problems'.
Mostly about the mental breakdown I had a few days ago, because him and I had a discussion about bottling things up;
My bottles break sometimes, and they shatter and it hurts.
But now he's not talking back to me, and it's actually making me sort of sad?

Mostly because this kid apparently 'liked' me for some amount of time, and apparently still does sometimes.
But he's dating -over the internet- another girl we're both friends with.
I almost thought about telling her about how her boyfriend supposedly still digs me sometimes, but I didn't.
I like her, and I don't want her to get pissed at me.
Haha, it's like I live a completely different life on the Internet.
I sort of do, multiple actually.
It sucks, it's hard to do all of this, but I'm not stopping now.

OMJ, beep-y noise.
It wasn't him. UGH.
I'm thinking about being an attention whore, and just totally seeing what'll happen if I do the rhetorical question thing.
But I'll be lying.
Can you read that?
Yeah, if I just keep telling myself that, I'll believe it eventually.
And then I won't be pathetic and do this.

Fuck, I think I'll talk to him about it; I'll just emphasize 'developing'.
I'm scared.

And tired.
I probably won't blog tomorrow, 'cause of the birthday party thing.
Oh, the guy that I was hoping would go isn't going.
And he pretty much blew me off today, when I asked.
I hate him, I hate being confused and curious.
I hate feelings.

Bed time, sort of.

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